In case you haven’t heard, work-life balance is a myth. At Thrive, we’re all about work-life integration. It’s different from work-life balance in that it’s a more holistic — and realistic — approach. The truth is that none of us will ever achieve perfect balance, and striving to get there just stresses us out. Work-life integration acknowledges that sometimes work will demand more of your attention, and other times life will, but by setting boundaries and making sure you’re prioritizing healthy habits, you’ll be able to thrive in all facets of your life. 
We asked our Thrive community for their best tips for leaving work at work, and they had some pretty great strategies.

Listen to the Audiobook narration by Suzie Doscher of the exercise: Work of Family Hijacked Your Life?

It is all too often that we feel our life is no longer our own. Too many commitments and responsibilities taken up all your time. No time for yourself and your self-care.
Listen to the exercise from BALANCE - A Practical Handbook for Life's Difficult Moments narrated by the author Suzie Doscher.

Raise your hand if you sometimes get up on the wrong side of the bed and dread the entire workday ahead of you. I thought so. Even if you’re working from home, some days can be hard just getting out of your warm, cozy bed after a long weekend or a late night, especially when it’s cold, gray and rainy.

The “Start-of-Workday” Blues
Studies show that “start-of-workday” moods stay with you all day long and affect job performance and productivity. The more you focus on dread, the more it grows — nibbling away at you like torture from half a million cuts. Neuroscientists say this is based on the mind-body connection. The cells of your body constantly eavesdrop on your thoughts from the wings of your mind. When you have negative thoughts, your cells dump a biochemical cocktail creating dread. If you start the day with dread, it can create depression or anxiety of getting through more demands and deadlines.

A study by Nancy Rothbard and Steffanie Wilk observed a group of customer service representatives (CSRs) in an insurance company’s call center over several weeks. They sent CSRs periodic short surveys throughout the day, assessing their mood as they started the day, how they viewed work events such as customer interactions throughout the day and their mood during the day after those customer interactions. The duo used the company’s detailed performance metrics to investigate how employee mood at work related to their performance.
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They found that CSRs varied from day to day in their start-of-day mood, but that those who started out each day happy or calm usually stayed that way throughout the day, and interacting with customers tended to further enhance their mood. On the other hand, employees who started the day in a terrible mood didn’t really climb out of it, and felt even worse by the end of the day — even after interacting with positive customers. The researchers also discovered something they called, “the misery loves company” syndrome. Some CSRs who felt badly at the beginning of the day felt less badly after interacting with customers who were in bad moods. The researchers interpret that finding to mean that when confronted with a customer’s perspective, CSRs felt their own lives weren’t so bad after all.

10 Steps to Sidestep Start-of-Workday Blues​:

Maybe you are increasingly aware of an issue or behaviour pattern you are willing to change which is activating your curiosity. You are reading this article which shows that on some level there is a curiosity. You might be interested in the topic, or maybe have a colleague or friend who is working on personal development with a coach already recommended you check it out. Remember: It is in fact a strength to reach out, not a weakness.
 
Coaching Scenarios:

• You know ‘something has to change.
• The issue for coaching is fairly straight forward. You already know what you want but are not sure how to start, or are interested in having a neutral non-judgmental outsider for support, encouragement, accountability. Many of my clients come to me to gain clarity.

 
Some thoughts to consider: 

You are:

• Aware that talking about it with your friends, family or colleagues is not changing anything.
• Ready to stop talking about the issue with friends, family or colleagues about the same topic – equally they are tired of hearing about it.
• Understand that looking for advice from colleagues and friends is not enough.
• Curious to look inside yourself for some answers.
• Step outside of what you know, into the unknown – outside your comfort zone – outside your box, to find a new way to handle the issue.

 
The next steps: 

• Narrow down what will work best for you: language, in person meetings or online sessions, location, cost, length of sessions, how many sessions does the coach recommend.
• Research the local market on Google, ask friends & colleagues if they know anybody
• Read the testimonials / recommendations to get a feel for the coach and their strengths
• Which websites / coaches appeal to you, 'speak your language'
• Does this align with the issue you are looking to move away from?
• Get in touch with one or more, talk to them, see where the chemistry fits best.
• Make your choice
• Remember: “Actions speak louder than words”.

 
 It is important to know the difference between all the various approaches to change, see my article  Coaching vs. Trainings / Consulting / Mentoring / Traditional Therapies  for more information.
 
Suzie Doscher(PMC), a Professional Master Coach (IAPCM) Coach focusing on Personal Development. 
Check out Suzie's books full of SELF COACHING Exercises - 'Balance by Suzie Doscher' available in any Amazon store worldwide.
Please also visit: www.suziedoscher.com for more info about coaching.

by Suzie Doscher
Photo credit: Shutterstock

Many of history’s famous philosophers, artists, scientists, writers, and creators valued value walking as much as they valued productive work.

Aristotle, Charles Dickens, Henry David Thoreau, Virginia Woolf, Albert Einstein, Friedrich Nietzsche and many others made time for long walks.

They used long walks for contemplation, reflection and problem-solving.

They found walking helped them think better, ponder over ideas and get more done once they got back to writing, creating, designing or composing.

“The moment my legs begin to move, my thoughts begin to flow,” Henry David Thoreau, a philosopher, poet, and environmental scientist, once said.

Aristotle used to conduct some of his lectures while walking on the school grounds. William Wordsworth once said walking was “indivisible” from the creative act of writing poetry.
Charles Dickens used to walk for 20 miles after writing in the morning.

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Hiring a candidate can feel like reaching the finish line of a journey. After weeks or months of recruiting efforts, you finally found the right fit. But it’s not – it’s actually the beginning of a crucial stage of your hiring process: onboarding.

“It is an incredibly vital stage of the hiring process because employees are acclimated to their position, the company’s philosophies, and what the organization has to offer during onboarding,” says Jamie Olson, Head of People & Culture at Continu, a learning amplification platform for teams.

“It also increases motivation, resulting in employees who are dedicated to the company’s success, and promotes the retention of new recruits by making them feel like a part of the team.”

Your onboarding process is the first impression. It can make or break the long-term chances of success of your new team member – it’s when expectations are set and important information is passed along. Olson broke down everything you need to know about how to effectively welcome a new employee to the team. Learn more in the checklist and onboarding tips below.

The ultimate onboarding checklistFirst of all, it’s important not to “wing it.” Onboarding doesn’t consist of greeting your new report and making a few introductions before leaving them on their own. You’ll need to create a streamlined process that is consistent every time you hire someone new. Here is a checklist.
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When was the last time you sat still in silence and did nothing for a while?

A few hours ago?
Yesterday?
Last week?
No idea?

While we often try to squeeze more and more into our busy schedules, what really happens is that our need for speed leads to chaos.

We end up feeling more stressed, less focused, less connected, and less productive.
When we're under pressure, we often believe we need to hurry up and do more,while the real answer often lies in slowing down and sitting still.

Each year, more and more people report that their lives have become busier and more stressful.
And one of the biggest threats to our mental health is today's glorified "hustle culture" that makes so many people believe that their worth as a human being is defined by their level of productivity.
But that's not true.

Your value as a human being isn't defined by how much you work, achieve, or produce.
You're worthy of love and a sense of accomplishment no matter what you do or "achieve."
You don't need to do more or be more.

Maybe you even need to slow down and do less.

An assumption is a thought or conclusion drawn when someone says or does something. It is a reaction.  You do not have the full picture or asked any questions yet to be able to make an informed decision.  Conclusions are often based on assumptions which could be incorrect. They are not backed up by fact yet treated as the truth. 
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Assumptions have the potential to confuse a situation, and everyone involved. For example, silence or nodding does not always mean the person agrees. They could be simply acknowledging they heard you.  They might not agree yet in that moment are not ready to comment. 
You cannot  know if what you are assuming is the truth unless you ask questions to get more information and clarification. Listen carefully and ask questions if you are not sure or need further information to form an opinion.
 
The brain is wired to keep you safe and fulfill your core needs such as nutrition, shelter, community, pleasure, reproduction, and emotional expression. This establishes an idea of where you are, who and what is around you, and where you might encounter danger. Also known as the ‘fight or flight mode’ which is essential in times of danger - it keeps you at the first level of awareness.

I've probably written a dozen articles over the years about the benefits of mindfulness, how it impacts the brain, and how simple it is to get started with meditation. And yet I confess I have personally never managed to keep up a consistent meditation practice. 

At least I know I'm not alone. Experts reassure struggling meditation newbies that just sitting still and breathing can be way harder than it first seems. And if that doesn't work to alleviate my guilt, then I also remember this post highlighting the wisdom of Wharton professor Adam Grant and author Oliver Burkeman, arguing there are many other ways to practice mindfulness aside from classic meditation. 

You don't need to meditate to practice mindfulness. After being harassed for years by mindfulness's many boosters, Grant finally took to The New York Times to argue that meditation isn't for everyone. Many people, he explains, find other ways to quiet their brains, be in the present moment, and reduce their stress. 

Burkeman concurred in the Guardian, writing "I have a personal theory that almost everyone secretly meditates, whether they realize it or not....almost everyone pursues some activity demanding absolute presence of mind: if not mountain climbing or sailing or bike racing (where a lapse of attention might mean death), then photography or singing or recreational cookery (where a lapse of attention means you'll screw things up)." 

​Here’s how I think about mental strength:
Mental strength is the ability to control your mind instead of being controlled by it.
For example:

• Instead of getting sucked into spirals of self-criticism and shame, mental strength is what allows you to redirect your attention and thinking somewhere else less destructive — like that conversation you’re having with your son or the report you’re supposed to be drafting.
• Rather than impulsively responding to your spouse’s sarcastic comment with a witty jab of your own, you are able to resist the impulse and either say nothing or mention assertively that you don’t appreciate the sarcasm.

Now, obviously there are aspects of your mind that you can’t control… Whether a specific memory pops into mind, for example. Or whether you feel afraid of almost getting run over by a car.
So becoming mentally strong doesn’t mean you are able to exert complete control over everything that goes on between your ears.
Mental strength means understanding which parts of your mind you can control and being able to do it well when it matters.

For example:

Core values are personal to each individual . They can be described as your code of ethics, your fundamental principles, your standards, or personal rules. I like to refer to them as the bricks you build your foundation on. Knowing what you truly value in life, what makes you feel fulfilled and gives you a sense of meaning, connects you to your true self and is an important part of your personal development.
 
Core values are about YOU – not what society, the media, your education, your colleagues and friends or family deem as important, or of value, but what is important to you, what you value.
 
Stress tends to set in when you are not treating these values with the respect they deserve.
 
Not respecting your core values means you are not respecting your true self. In turn your self-esteem could suffer, which of course in turn de-creases the quality of your day-to-day life. When the feeling of being calm and peaceful is present, and the quality of day-to-day life is high, you feel good about yourself and who you are. Your self-esteem and self-worth benefit from this.

Caroline Myss, a five-time New York Times bestselling author and internationally renowned speaker in the fields of human consciousness and mysticism says: “Being able to speak and live with the truth, your truth, means you have to become comfortable with having your power, be comfortable with all that is true about you, all that is beautiful about yourself, this is being okay with yourself.”

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Consider the Core Values Process I offer as a gift to yourself.
The focus can be on your life, your overall life which would include your career, your career alone or your leadership values (this is a great exercise to do as a new leader or to update your existing leadership skills aligning them with your personality). Get in touch.

by Suzie Doscher
​Photo credit: Shutterstock
 

You did it. You made it out — hopefully with some shred of sanity and sense of personal self-worth. But even if those things feel unrecoverable, they aren’t. You can get them back.

Maybe you’ve moved on to greener pastures. If that’s the case, well done. You’ve taken an important step towards preserving (or gaining back) your emotional and physical health.

Maybe, although less likely, your boss either moved on or was fired. Most of the time, these situations don’t fix themselves, as for some reason senior leadership would rather keep a single toxic boss employed than the multiple high-quality employees who leave because of them.

In either case, there’s a residual emotional and physical toll that lasts well beyond the end of the boss-employee relationship. I know; I’ve been there.
In the span of just two years of reporting to a toxic boss, I went from being a high-performing, high-potential engineering leader to nearly leaving the company I’d spent 15 years at because of one single person. My boss. That’s how badly I needed to get away from her.

Mental resilience is the cornerstone of a successful life - but can you build it in yourself, your family and your team?
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Crying every morning may sound like a terrible way to start the day, but for life coach Suzie Doscher, Class of 1974 (1970-74), tears are a vital safety valve – and a healthy response to a global pandemic. “When a friend asked me how I was coping with lockdown, I told her I regularly had a good cry,” she says. “I sometimes started the day feeling uneasy or unsure, but I know it’s important to deal with my emotions so I release them by having a cry. That is how I got myself to a place where both my feet were firmly on the ground, and then I knew that I could handle whatever came my way.”

Now, more than ever, our mental health matters. We live, work and study at breakneck speed, bombarded by choice. And with technology – and the recent lockdowns – creating an ‘always on’ environment, boundaries between life and work are increasingly blurred. Clearly, the ability to build our own mental resilience, in mentally healthy work and living spaces, is crucial.

None of this is news to Brigitte Eigenmann, Head of Human Resources at ZIS. “Our mental and physical health are connected,” she says. “That’s why we need to take mental health seriously.”

A piece of simple old wisdom that’s desperately needed in the modern world

“You’re not going to believe it! You’re not going to believe it!” shouted the young man as he ran across the courtyard. “I just heard something about one of your friends!”
“Whoa, slow down,” replied Socrates lifting his eyes from the scroll he was reading to face the young man. “Before you tell me the news, I’d like to give you a little test.”
“A test?” the young man fired back frustrated his eagerness had been met with resistance. “What kind of test? I don’t like tests!”

“Don’t worry,” Socrates smiled. “It’s not very hard. In fact, it’s quite simple. It’s called the ‘Triple-Filter Test’. And as its name implies, it consists of three questions that will hopefully help you better filter information.”
“The first filter is Truth,” Socrates continued. “Are you absolutely positive that what you’re going to tell me is true?”

“No, I’m not sure it’s true,” the young man responded sheepishly. “I just heard about it and I thought you should….”
“Moving on,” Socrates jumped in. “Since you’re not sure whether or not what you want to tell me about my friend is true or not it’s time for the second filter which is goodness —Is the news you have about my friend something good?”

I wonder how many words have actually been written about communication. Suffice it to say, there have been a great many. I suppose it is because we haven’t cracked it yet; this ability to convey messages so that what we say is heard in the way we mean it, and conversely, what we hear is received in the way it was meant. Indeed, the road to clarity always seems to be under construction.
Even if we try to simplify our communication processes, barriers come up that can sabotage the message and render it ineffective by the time it gets to those who must act on it. There are a lot of reasons for this. Here are four that come to mind:

Cultural barriers
There are many factors that make up what we refer to as “culture” but to me, cultural difference is about attitudes and beliefs that come from our personal environment and experience. As such, two people could get the same message but interpret it in two entirely different ways simply because their frames of reference and language differ.

Small things tell you a lot about a person

These are a sample of options you have when in need of some stress relief:
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• Take a break and leave the room. Find a quiet space, even the loo will do.  
• Compose yourself by taking at least 3 breaths. As you exhale, imagine a little bit of the tension leaving your body. (I find visualizing a dark cloud dissipating helpful.)
• Gather your thoughts.  
• Keep your focus on exactly what has been going on that is causing you the stress. Is it the task itself? How about more basic such as hunger or the space around you?
• Does it will involve another person or people… What is missing?  
• Once you know specifically what has thrown you out of balance, think about what can you do now to influence the situation.
• Consider all the steps required to find a solution. Make a list, if only a mental list.  
• What can you do today, right now?  Arrange your list in terms of priority. What has to be done first, then what?  
• Consider the practicalities of your action plan. Is it realistic? Have you the time?  
• Do you need advice or support? If so, whose?  
• Fine-tune the steps you consider necessary to resolve the situation. Keep things realistic to avoid feeling pressure.
• Having thought things through you may find the problem has changed in perspective. Adjust the plan accordingly.

It is most import to ensure that any action you propose to take is in keeping with your personality and can be executed in a style that suits you.
 
 
by Suzie Doscher, Executive and Life Coach, Self-Help Author
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Empower yourself by not only connecting, but also aligning your life (and that includes life at work) with your core values.
In my experience finding out or rediscovering what my personal values are was one of the most important steps in my personal growth. If I think back at the person, I was before I reconnected with them… ‘a loose cannon’ comes to mind. 

I had lots of things in place, lots of boxes ticked but at the same time my life was not making me happy. I was not satisfied let alone had anything even remotely close to inner peace. 
Once I discovered what is truly important to, what nurtures me, what allows me to feel like myself and grow into my skin then my life started changing. 
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The reason being that I felt I had a foundation to live life from. I noticed my values are the bricks to my foundation, they are what grounds me. It was so exciting to find out that these values are part of me, inside of me and always there. Living in alignment with them does not actually cost me anything. There is a ‘cost’, this comes in the form of time. I take time to nurture them, to feel strong and fully in my personal power. I feel my inner light is shining.

I was standing by the lake one windy morning watching the waves crash up against some rocks and the ripple effect that followed. The wave hit one area and cascaded long the others closer to where I was standing. It was beautiful, full of energy and at the same time made me realize that this can be translated into how one negative thought tends to release a series of more negative ones. This seems to happen to ‘feed’ or confirm the first one. I have found that negative thoughts hate being alone ... they look for company. 

In my own personal experience as well working professionally in the arena of personal growth and development, I all too often witness how this unfolds.

I am not a therapist or neuroscientist so cannot speak scientifically. Having said that I have enough evidence after 16 years of working in this area to be able to say the patterns are there. 

It strikes me that our minds do not like to give up the negative thoughts. Our brain looks for further thoughts to confirm this 'truth'. The thought might be far from true now in your actual present-day reality, yet we treat it as absolute truth in our thinking. From what I witness these beliefs come from emotions, more often than not emotions from the past, even recent past (last job, last relationship). Our behaviour follows our thinking, so our behaviour will act upon what we think and therefore believe.

Limiting Beliefs

For example: If you believe you are not very good at something chances are you will act this way. Instead of taking the approach to learn how to, or improve, you shy away from it.

Of course, the very first step must be being aware of this thought pattern and the resulting behaviour. To make any changes it is vital to be aware of a pattern. If it turns out to be limiting belief that is holding you back this belief is best challenged and reframed. If is is there due to lack of clarity you know to get more clarity. 

Feeling grounded

In order to stay calm and grounded it requires certain behaviours that feed being calm. 
Each person will have their own requirements. What you as an individual need to feel calm will most likely differ from someone else’s needs. Each has their own interpretation of success as well as what feeling calm and grounded means to them. 
Based on my own personal experience this also changes depending on our age.
I know when I was 30 my focus was very different to 40. At 30 I was focused on creating my family and being a wife and mother. At 50 I noticed that feeling fulfilled was my new goal and turning 60 was fabulous as I had completely grown into my skin by then and was more than happy to focus on my core values and needs.  The 'older age'  goal is answering the question ‘how do I want this chapter of my life to look and feel’… This one is still work in progress so watch this space.

Tips for what comes next
​If you find yourself lost in a negative thinking pattern regarding an issue, observe any common denominators that kick the first thought off. What sets those wheels in motion? What happens next? Observe yourself, raise your awareness to your patterns.
Is it a recurring situation, a recurring interaction, an issue left unresolved, a lack of clarity?
It could be a number of things. Get to know yourself to find out what exactly it is.
It is worthwhile to observe what comes next. Which thoughts follow, how do you act, react, behave, or deal with it?
Always remember to be patient and kind with yourself during any process of growth or change.

by Suzie Doscher:
Coaching for Personal Development: Life Coaching and Executive Coach, Self-Help Author

​Photo credit: Pexels and Shutterstock

I remember doing a Self-Esteem exercise while I was studying to become a coach. What I loved about the Noble Manhattan Coaching training was that we had to do all work on ourselves. 
Talk about furthering your own personal growth and development.
How could I work with clients if I had did not know and experience all the growth myself.
I loved the changes that I was making to my own behaviour patterns as I was learning how to apply them professionally.

16 years later I still believe it to be the best coach training - even if I had not become a professional coach. The benefits from doing the work for myself improved the quality of my personal and professional life no end and still does.

Self-esteem evaluation Exercise
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​Answer the following questions, giving each one a score out of 10 using the following scale:
Totally agree with the statement
Completely disagree
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1. My experience in life has taught me to value and appreciate myself   …                
2. I have a good opinion of myself   …                                                              
3. I treat myself well and look after myself properly   …                                                            
4. I like myself   …                                                                                                           
5. I give as much weight to my qualities, skills, assets and strengths as I do to my weaknesses and flaws   …                                                                                          
6. I feel good about myself   …                                                                          
7. I feel I am entitled to success and the good things in life   …                                                
8. My expectations of myself are no more rigid or exacting than my expectations of other people …                                                                                          
9. I am kind and encouraging towards myself rather than self critical   …      
   
   

Add up your total score:  .....                                                              
 
As it is out of a total possible high score of 10 you will gain an insight into where your self-esteem is at. ​
If you want to start with some self-coaching consider these thoughts:
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1. The Present  

Eckhart Tolle refers to living in the now, which means being able to see and feel what your life is in the present moment.
The present-day buzzword for this is to be mindful by practicing mindfulness.
Standing in a beautiful park, by a calming body of water, or attending your child’s school play or other family event, and actually seeing the trees, feeling the flow and energy of the water, enjoying the play or event while feeling joy instead of being lost in your thoughts (which are taking you elsewhere) is experiencing the now, the present moment, being mindful of that very moment.
 
Thoughts can propel you into an entirely different location even if you are not there physically. It seems odd that we do not just naturally live in the now. After all, almost everyone would agree that the present moment, the now, is all we have. 
 
When you are able to live in the day life becomes more relaxed and enjoyable. You empower yourself by influencing what you can influence. 
This becomes a powerful technique to step out of stress.
This is not to say you should never think of the future and plan to reach your goals and avoid pitfalls. 
It is more about how this is done. Keep your energy where it is needed - in the day.

Examine your present-day reality and determine what is working and what is not working.
Explore what you can influence and what not.