Where Do Beliefs Come From and How They Impact Your Behaviour?

THERE IS NOTHING GOOD OR BAD,
BUT THINKING MAKES IT SO
Shakespeare

The first law of perception is that the eyes see but it is the mind that tells you what you see.  One of the reasons our mind tells us what we see, or perceive, is that our underlying beliefs tend to make us look for certain things.  For example a cynic will see what he is looking for just as much as an optimist will see what he is looking for.  Each chooses their experience from their beliefs.  

What are Beliefs?
Beliefs are thought patterns, evaluations, opinions, judgements and generalizations that we hold about ourselves and others.  These beliefs are stored by our unconscious mind during our early formative childhood years.  Our experiences with our parents, relatives, siblings, teachers, friends, social environment, from traumas, media influence or repetitive experiences add to the collection of information that forms these beliefs, be it negative or positive.  Beliefs are the data we base the formation of our self image on.  J.H.Brennan states  ‘It is believed that as children we define ourselves by how others see us.  In other words we take on someone else’s visions or impressions of ourselves and turn them into our own self image.’ An excerpt from the book  ‘Getting what you want’.

If you tell a child often enough something negative about themselves, they are being conditioned to believe it is true.  Children are curious about everything, and consequently learn very quickly, they are hungry for knowledge and information. By asking questions they learn and acquire knowledge, consequently they are eager to be told things and will listen to whomever is doing the telling be it a parent, teacher, friend or some other outside influence. As children our parents instill their beliefs in us.  After all, children have little or no information to analyse or evaluate a situation; they tend to accept what they are told as being the truth.  They are too young to verify or falsify these beliefs.

In my professional experience as a coach focusing on personal development beliefs can be reawakened in adults by the last boss, the present day boss or anyone in a person's life.
 
Where do Beliefs come from and what is their impact on us?

Our beliefs are created and stored in our unconscious mind;

however the information collected is done by our conscious mind.  The unconscious mind relates to things that are not happening in the present moment. Our conscious mind is relating to what is happening right now.  For example while we are in the process of learning a new skill we are applying our conscious mind to teach us.  Take learning a sport as an illustration of this.  Playing tennis or riding a bike are learnt through repetitive behaviour.  Driving a car is perfected through repetition.  Once we have learned it, we operate with our unconscious mind.  We are on autopilot; it has become a habitual behavioural pattern.  It is necessary to apply our conscious mind to change negative, limiting beliefs and behaviour.  These can sabotage our success.

‘The unconscious is much wiser than the conscious mind.
 
It should not be forgotten that a positive self image, which is something we can also grow up with, develops different behaviour patterns and life expectations that are not disempowering, rather empowering.  If we have a negative, limiting self image this does not necessarily go away by itself as we grow up.  We might have grown up but our self image did not.  The longer a belief system has been in place the harder or longer it takes to undo or reconstruct and be replaced with a positive one.  Brennan also states  on his book: ‘That although we grow up and physical and cognitive changes occur as teenagers we can still be left with the self image we had while growing up.  The hardest ones to ‘deconstruct’ he claims are the ones that have been around the longest, i.e. since early childhood.

Thoughts determine beliefs and beliefs determine behaviour; this includes attitudes for example towards health, relationships, finances etc.  One of the most common disempowering beliefs is that; ‘Food = Love’ in other words, food brings comfort or makes you feel better.  During our upbringing often parents, if not society in general, seems to feel that if you give a child a sweet when they hurt themselves this will distract them from the pain, and therefore comfort them. Many parents raise their children by substituting food for emotional comfort. The children then grow up mistaking food for emotional support or comfort.  They believe it is the sweet that made them feel better.  The tendency is to reach for food for comfort.  
 
When we believe something to be true we act as if it is 
 
If we continually act in ways that support negative beliefs, negative events tend to materialize ‘What goes round comes round’  No doubt we all have had days when everything goes wrong.  People are like magnets we attract what we believe.
 
To unlock our potential we must reject  limiting beliefs and embrace positive, empowering ones.  This enables you to go as far you wish.  Change is difficult.  It takes more than luck to make changes.  We must master a skill not only to make them, but most of all to sustain the changes. Neuroscience has proven that it takes practice and repetition of the new behaviour to make a change in our behaviour.
 
Beliefs can be negative or positive therefore they can limit or empower.  As adults we need to recognize this and make changes, if these enforced beliefs are holding us back or acting as obstacles.  We need to recognize and acknowledge that they can stop us from achieving our goals. I think of this as your self-sabotage routine.
 
Changing Beliefs
What may motivate you to change limiting beliefs: How about being fed up with feeling stuck or knowing you are not the best version of yourself yet.
‘You see what you are looking for….so change what you are looking for’. 

When you are inspired to make a change all thoughts can break their bonds.  Your mind is willing to transcend previous limitations.  Awareness can neutralize a negative belief and with this awareness and the help of a qualified coach the disempowering can be replaced with something empowering.  Big problems can be overcome by very small shifts in perception. ‘In life we cannot change people or events BUT we can change how we react to them.’
 
Holding on to self limiting patterns ensures that your potential can never be reached. With a more positive belief you can set realistic goals you know we can achieve and therefore be successful in reaching them. Reeducate yourself to ‘think outside the box’.  (The box being your comfort zone).
 
Your actions validate your underlying beliefs; these are constantly nourished by the repetitive behaviour patterns that reinforce them.  Your conditioning leads you to find the level of life you expect.  Scientists believe we think approx. 60’000 thoughts a day 4.  More than 95% of those thoughts are the same we had yesterday and the day before that.  Such is the power of our conditioning resulted by our repetitive behaviour or thinking pattern.

The beliefs stored inside, which have been around since childhood, can have either a negative or positive influence on your day to day life, as well as your success in growing and moving forward with your life’s mission.  Beliefs need to encourage growth, and change to live a happy, successful and fulfilling life.  Once you have raised awareness of your beliefs you can then look into whether they are in your best interest, if not you can choose to change them.  With the help of a qualified coach you have the support to proceed replacing them with a thinking pattern that empowers your life.

By Suzie Doscher, Executive Coach focusing on Personal Development
Photocredit: Unsplash

Contact Suzie Doscher to start with changing your limiting beliefs.