​How Do You Feel? How to Gain Clarity When You Feel Something Is Off

How are you doing?
I do not mean physically. I am referring to how you are doing emotionally.
There are all sorts of people, all sorts of approaches to  handle life, all sorts of approaches and mindsets, all sorts of biases, fears, beliefs and all sorts of processing ways and speeds. 

I spent a weekend in the Swiss Alps where across one of the gorgeous small alpine lakes a slack line event was happening.
It was amazing to watch all levels of slack line walkers move across the lake.
At first I thought “I guess falling into the water is not too bad” followed by “but then they have to swim back to shore and start again”. I noticed they were wearing a safety harness. Losing balance meant still being attached to the line, so they would not fall into the water.
To start again they beautifully maneuvered with grace and elegance  back up on the line.

Anyhow, this all made me realize that ‘getting back up’ is a most vital skill to have for life with all of its ups and downs. After all the reality of life is a series of ups and downs. 

In a step-by-step approach I examined my own approach to ‘getting back up’.

I think of getting back up as being back in balance. Those are the words that work for me, yet I have been around long enough and in the coaching business long enough to know that each individual uses a term that resonates with them. 

For you the feeling could be one of these:

• Grounded
• In charge
• Centered
• Balanced

My personal approach is described in the following exercise:

I take a step-by-step approach – baby steps when that feels more realistic and comfortable.

1. Create some time to focus on this. If the day is a busy one the end of the day is sometimes easier to schedule some time. Often it takes scheduling this 'me time' which is necessary as part of your self care routine.
2. Sit quietly and let any emotions settle by breathing slowly.
3. I often let  my emotions surface once they have settled. That is what will bring me calm. This tends to be releasing a few tears. Releasing the emotions that are unsettling you is important. Keeping them in can be the equivalent of pushing them aside.
4. I try really hard not to attach any particular thought or explanation to these emotions. To achieve this,  I focus on regarding them as emotions not thoughts. 
5. I give a name to what is happening that is unsettling me: Frustration, Anger, Overwhelm, Pain, Lack of understanding to name a few possibilities.
6. Once I have better clarity on what the emotions are unsettling me I approach the issue as if I was project managing. i.e., what can be done now, what is realistic, what do I need to do or say. As if I was managing a work related project that needs to be broken down into step by step actions.

I always feel more settled once I have spent some time reflecting on the issue that unsettled me. 
The ‘bottom line’ is not to bury something unsettling inside. Find a way to gain clarity and deal with it.


by Suzie Doscher, Executive Coach for Personal Development
Self-help Author since 2014. 
BALANCE - A Practical Handbook for Life's Difficult Moments. Latest updated edition (2022)

Photocredit: Unsplash

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