Obsessing over Negative Thoughts - What To Do?

Listen to the Audio version narrated by Suzie Doscher - 4.30 mins

You choose what you will wear and eat, what films you see, who you socialize with. You make choices all day long in your professional and personal life. In the same way, you also have the choice of which thoughts to focus on. The nice, happy thoughts, of course, are not a problem for they give energy, put a smile on your face, and are inspiring as well as motivating. 

Everybody has negative thoughts. They are the ones that are easy to obsess over and rob you of energy, leaving you feeling drained. Believe it or not, how long you allow negative thoughts to influence your mood, day, or even life is up to you. Every thought you have either weakens you or strengthens you. 

It is important to realize that thoughts are not reality. Assumptions are good examples of this. Just because you assume something does not make it true. 

When you are struggling to stop obsessing about something, remind yourself that you have a choice to move on to a thought that might make you feel better in that moment. It is best to acknowledge negative thoughts when they come up and then choose not to stay with them by distracting yourself. 

No one can eliminate all bad thoughts, but you can make the conscious decision to be in charge of your thinking. Filter through what is real and what needs your focus. Your mind is yours to control. You cannot control the first thought, but you can control the second. Choose to consciously override thoughts that weaken you. This will allow you to feel you have some personal power. 

Some suggestions to explore: 

• What is motivating you to obsess over this negative thought? Something that was said or something you said? Is it anger, guilt, a fear, or an assumption you made?  
• What can be done right now to stop focusing on this topic? 
• How about walking out of the room/around the block, or finding something to do that requires focus? If you are at home you could do some chores, read something, meditate, clean, or do anything else that will allow for distraction. My personal favorite is to bring my attention to nature. Even when I am in a city, I can always look up at the sky and focus on the power of nature. There is always the old faithful of taking a few breaths and focusing on each inhale/exhale to break the energy of the moment. Whatever you can think of that is helpful to change your focus will give you a feeling of being a bit more grounded and less in your head. 
• Imagine how will it feel to take charge and replace this thought with one that strengthens you? 
• Which thoughts strengthen you? 
• How can you remember to find a strengthening thought when you find yourself obsessing over a negative one? What is the most helpful trick you can think of and follow through with? 

Remember that when a negative thought takes hold, you have the power to override it. 

A most effective tool is to find an object that symbolically represents this knowledge: “I can influence what I think and therefore how I behave.” The object could be anything from a rubber band or leather band around your wrist, to a drawing or photo on your phone, desk, or computer. You can put flowers or a plant on your desk – anything is good. Whenever you see this symbolic object you are reminded of what you are working on. 

If you choose to stay with a negative thought, then take responsibility for that choice! I tell my clients to choose the consequences of their decisions. If you have a bad time as a result of this decision, you can only blame yourself. It is true that “Where there is a will, there is a way.” You will be amazed how much space is created in your head once you start eliminating thoughts that weaken you. It will take some practice and, most importantly, you’ll need to find the right tools that work for you. Think in terms of reprogramming your software and be patient and kind with yourself during this process. 

by Suzie Doscher, Professional Executive Coach focusing on Personal Development, Native English Speaking
Self-help Author since 2014, BALANCE - A Practical Handbook for Life's Difficult Moments, 3rd updated/revised edition in 2022.

​Photo credit: Pexels
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