Asking For Help Is Not a Sign of Weakness

Do you end up doing everything yourself?

How would it be if you could ask for, trust, or accept the help of others?

It can be so difficult to even consider asking for someone’s help when you are used to coping with everything on your own. There might indeed be times when you do not even accept help offered. Today, society contains some very bizarre patterns. You are born into a community called the family, you grow up within communities, for example school, friends, relationships, teams in the work place, and clubs you seek to join, etc. As social creatures life is set up around communities. Yet we no longer find it easy to ask for help. Whatever the reasons for this are, we can all benefit from a little support sometimes.

Consider this short story (author unknown):

A little boy was having difficulty lifting a heavy stone.
His father came along just then.
Noting the boy’s failure, he asked, “Are you using all your strength?”
“Yes, I am”, the little boy said impatiently.
“No, you are not”, the father answered. “I am right here just waiting, and you haven’t asked me to help you.”

If you need to get a chore, job or task done, schedule organized, a school-run worked out, or any other task 

related to your daily life finished, and there simply is not enough time to meet the deadline (and, after all, you only have two hands), then consider the questions below when you have some time to take a closer look at changing this. I suggest you write down your answers to these questions and, where appropriate, make lists.

Questions to ask yourself:

• What might happen if I do not manage to finish this task?
• On a scale of 1 - 10, how bad would that be?
• Which part, if any, could be finished tomorrow instead of today?
• Look at what part of the project is best for you to deal with yourself.
• Which parts could you ask for help with?
• What resources or skills or support are available to you?
• Once you have determined steps 1 - 6, consider who could provide some support to you today.
• How do you feel about having that person’s help? Is he or she the right person or are there others you could call?
• How can you help them to help you?
• Make a list of what steps you need to take to complete the project. Perhaps a mental list is good enough. If not, write down the list in order of priority.
• Delegate and communicate clearly to your chosen support person(s).
• Proceed step by step, knowing the task will be accomplished. It might not be today, but it will be accomplished.

Being a Baby Boomer I can relate to the concept of not asking for help. It is a behaviour pattern that I needed to change. It is also a limiting belief "I have to do everything myself". It is well worth changing the behaviour and reframing that limiting belief. In my case it reframed to "I do not have to do everything myself". I will admit asking for help is still not the easiest thing to do for me but no longer impossible.

By Suzie Doscher, Executive Coach focusing on Personal Development
Photo credit: Shutterstock

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