Listen to the Audio version narrated by Suzie Doscher - 4.30 mins

You choose what you will wear and eat, what films you see, who you socialize with. You make choices all day long in your professional and personal life. In the same way, you also have the choice of which thoughts to focus on. The nice, happy thoughts, of course, are not a problem for they give energy, put a smile on your face, and are inspiring as well as motivating. 

Everybody has negative thoughts. They are the ones that are easy to obsess over and rob you of energy, leaving you feeling drained. Believe it or not, how long you allow negative thoughts to influence your mood, day, or even life is up to you. Every thought you have either weakens you or strengthens you. 

It is important to realize that thoughts are not reality. Assumptions are good examples of this. Just because you assume something does not make it true. 

When you are struggling to stop obsessing about something, remind yourself that you have a choice to move on to a thought that might make you feel better in that moment. It is best to acknowledge negative thoughts when they come up and then choose not to stay with them by distracting yourself. 

No one can eliminate all bad thoughts, but you can make the conscious decision to be in charge of your thinking. Filter through what is real and what needs your focus. Your mind is yours to control. You cannot control the first thought, but you can control the second. Choose to consciously override thoughts that weaken you. This will allow you to feel you have some personal power. 

Some suggestions to explore: 

 In my own life one of the important realizations was that balance is possible and it was mine if I wanted it. What followed was a fair amount of self-reflection, openness, and honesty with myself. Setting aside time to explore my definition of balance, by questioning what was missing and what I was already doing successfully, was time well spent. Since then, I have a good grasp on the various elements of day-to-day life. For me personally knowing my heart and mind are working together is what keeps me balanced. The sense of calm, of being grounded and clearheaded, motivates me to keep my life in balance.

Choosing to create balance will reflect in these six areas of your life:

• Physical
• Mental
• Emotional
• Social
• Financial
• Spiritual
  
  

Each one is important and will require consideration, attention, maintenance, or upgrading throughout your life. Not necessarily at the same time, or in equal amounts; nevertheless, all deserve attention. It would be impossible and unrealistic to believe that each can have a “full service” all of the time. So, choose the area that is being neglected the most at that time and focus on sorting it out. If you choose to socialize more but are not getting enough sleep, you might have chosen the wrong area to nurture. Choose your priorities carefully. All elements are interrelated; balance will be present when all six are respected.

Most of us spend a large part of the day working. Making sure the remaining hours offer some form of nurturing and reenergizing is vital. There is a difference for single people versus married, with or without children, whether you travel, live internationally and interculturally. Choose the area most in need of attention and nurturing.

In the quest for fitness and health there has been a focus on exercise as a key factor - we all know that. And recommendations are normally about increasing heart rates over long periods of time or possible also shorter more intensive sessions. These have also been shown to improve cognitive function - making your brain more effective.

However, the route to greater health may be easier - or more specifically of enhanced brain function. The effects of light activity in the focus on more intensive and extensive exercise has been largely underestimated - and is considered by some to be a key factor in public health. Our engagement in light activity has over the decades decreased significantly - see my previous article here.
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In this research just out Ryuta Kuwamizu and colleagues of the University of Tsukuba in Japan conducted a simple but effective experiment. In this participants did 10 mins of easy exercise - in this case light pedalling while seated. During this they measured pupil dilation because this is also related to brain function specifically executive function. Executive function refers to harder cognitive tasks such as decision making, short-term, memory, calculation, and analysis - basically what many consider the heavy lifting of the brain in our daily lives.

Yes, and indeed just this short light exercise intervention increased delation of the pupil and this was directly related to improved executive functions which was determined though scanning the frontal part of the brain where our executive functions reside with a technique called near infrared spectroscopy.
This therefore points to, as I have mentioned in other places, the significant benefits of short bouts of light exercise on improved brain function - something of particular interest to businesses no doubt. I have long since promoted the idea of regular short walking breaks - this shows again why. For a review of the benefits of walking see this article here).

Not that it has to be at work - a walk or light exercise will improve your brain function - and that is good for all of us, all the time.

by ANDY HAYMAKER
Photo credit: Pexels

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Reference:
Ryuta Kuwamizu, Yudai Yamazaki, Naoki Aoike, Taichi Hiraga, Toshiaki Hata, Michael A. Yassa, Hideaki Soya.
Pupil dynamics during very light exercise predict benefits to prefrontal cognition
NeuroImage, Volume 277, 2023.
https://doi.org/10.1016/j.neuroimage.2023.120244 

Thoughts about change usually only occur when life no longer offers you the feeling of being satisfied. They can also emerge when things are basically alright but there is room for improvement. The difficulty frequently lies in finding out specifically what you can improve, what you should move on from, what you should let go of.

Change is not easy or simple. It can only really take place if you are ready to take action. Research shows 90% of the strategies designed for change assume people are ready to take action. In reality only 20% of the people already involved in some process of change are actually ready to take action. This helps explain why so many attempts to keep New Year’s resolutions, lose weight, change behaviour patterns, etc. are doomed to fail. If you have been told you should change, but are not really convinced this is true, you are more likely to fail at completing the process.

It is most helpful and supportive and will increase your chances of successfully completing change if you 

The first and most important step is to realize and truly acknowledge that unless you take care of yourself nobody else can or will. When I say, “truly acknowledge”, I mean that you have accepted the following:

• There is always another choice; to do, or not to do / to say, or not to say!
• You are comfortable – saying “no” when necessary, knowing a “yes” does not serve you / is going to take something from you; time, energy, emotional stability.
• You recognize when you have allowed yourself to slip into “victim mode”, have stayed there too long, and are ready to take your power back.
• You know how to make, create, or find the time for yourself, and on the occasions when there simply is no time … you know to do a couple of minutes of deep breathing!

 
These are a few examples, expressed in simple terms: You have taken charge of your life, know your Values and maintain your Personal Power. You can live your life … it does not have to be living you!

As an independent adult you have become the “director” of your life. If you are feeling stressed, one of the simplest yet most effective ways to reduce the tension is to spend some time doing something that involves your senses. Look out of the window, take a walk, listen to music, sing, do something creative, draw, bake, cook, garden, pot a plant, take a bath and light some candles, buy some flowers, look at nature, or revisit a long forgotten hobby – to name just a few options. Taking a few breaths does not take a long time, but does 'break the energy of the stressful / challenging moment. Once the energy is broken you can think more clearly to deal with the issue. 

Whenever possible take a break from technology, even if only for one hour. If that is not possible, try 10 minutes during which you turn off your computer, your phone, TV, etc. If you cannot go outside, then look out of the window at the sky. Regardless of the weather, the sky can be inspiring and energizing.
 
Here are some helpful suggestions to ask yourself:

1. Think about what exactly it is you are doing when you feel happy, fulfilled, at peace, nurtured.
2. If you cannot come up with an answer … think back to a day or event that you enjoyed, that made you feel good.
3. Use your imagination and senses to remember what that felt like.
4. What can you draw from that feeling now? Might you be able to do it again? For example, were you outside, talking with a friend, eating something wonderful, sitting still, appreciating a view…? If it were not possible to do any of those things right now, what is possible right now that would be good for you?
5. Can you take a walk, soak in the bath, listen to some music, talk to a friend, observe nature, do something creative or anything you do not normally do or have time for?
6. Even 5 minutes will make a difference. You do not need to have all day to be kind to yourself.
7. Do one thing a day … however small.

by Suzie Doscher, Professional Executive Coach focusing on Self-Development, Self-help Author since 2014.
3 Editions (2014, 2018, 2022) of BALANCE - A Practical Handbook for Life's Difficult Moments.

​Photo credit: Pexels

How about going out for a sail, swim, drink, run, or meet friends, play with your children,
talk to your partner – without your head still being full of work-related information?
It can be difficult to leave work related thoughts behind at the end of the day. Too many people arrive
home and are not really present. Their body might have walked through the door but mentally they are miles away. This seems to be the reality in today's world. Remember: There is more to life than just work.
You do need some kind of balance between down-time and work to be the most effective. 
Clarity will come easier if you give your brain a rest. It is amazing what thoughts, ideas, solutions and insights can come to you by creating some space for them.
 
This is a common topic with my coaching clients. I might work with five different clients all on this particular topic, yet each one will find his or her own unique way to help themselves unwind and reenter their personal life.
 
First of all, it helps to remember and accept as an important truth that your work is only part of your life. It is wonderful if you love what you do and have passion for your work, but do not forget that your personal life is at least as important as your work.
 
The goal is not to neglect your work but also not neglect your family, friends, and self.
Establish and maintain a routine of self-care – start by unwinding from work on your way home.
Some examples that help my clients include: listening to music or an audiobook in the car or on the train, taking a walk and being more mindful while doing so, meeting a friend, or exercise.
Start instilling this habit and you will experience life as more satisfying, rewarding, happy, and healthier in mind and body.

If you recognize the warning signs of impending burnout in yourself; remember that it will only get worse if you leave it alone. But if you take steps to get your life back into balance, you can prevent burnout from becoming a full-blown breakdown.

Some tips:

• Start the day with a relaxing ritual.
  Rather than jumping out of bed as soon as you wake up, spend a few minutes doing nothing – just lying there, or meditating, writing in your journal, doing gentle stretches, or reading something that inspires you. Whatever you chose to do that is realistic focus on it. If your children jump into bed with you and wake you up then try to focus on them. Children are grounded and in the moment. 
• Adopt healthy eating, exercising, and sleeping habits. When you eat right, engage in regular physical activity, and get plenty of rest, you have the energy and resilience to deal with life's obstacles and demands. Start with one of them and attempt to follow through 2 -3 days per week. It is better to start than not at all or to set a goal that is bound not to be reached. You will feel so much better if you start slow and have a much better chance of following through. One step at a time gets you to the top of the ladder. 

In case you haven’t heard, work-life balance is a myth. At Thrive, we’re all about work-life integration. It’s different from work-life balance in that it’s a more holistic — and realistic — approach. The truth is that none of us will ever achieve perfect balance, and striving to get there just stresses us out. Work-life integration acknowledges that sometimes work will demand more of your attention, and other times life will, but by setting boundaries and making sure you’re prioritizing healthy habits, you’ll be able to thrive in all facets of your life. 
We asked our Thrive community for their best tips for leaving work at work, and they had some pretty great strategies.

Listen to the Audiobook narration by Suzie Doscher of the exercise: Work of Family Hijacked Your Life?

It is all too often that we feel our life is no longer our own. Too many commitments and responsibilities taken up all your time. No time for yourself and your self-care.
Listen to the exercise from BALANCE - A Practical Handbook for Life's Difficult Moments narrated by the author Suzie Doscher.

BALANCE - A Practical Handbook for Life's Difficult Moments
​is exactly as the title states: A handbook to reach for when life is difficult.

Many of history’s famous philosophers, artists, scientists, writers, and creators valued value walking as much as they valued productive work.

Aristotle, Charles Dickens, Henry David Thoreau, Virginia Woolf, Albert Einstein, Friedrich Nietzsche and many others made time for long walks.

They used long walks for contemplation, reflection and problem-solving.

They found walking helped them think better, ponder over ideas and get more done once they got back to writing, creating, designing or composing.

“The moment my legs begin to move, my thoughts begin to flow,” Henry David Thoreau, a philosopher, poet, and environmental scientist, once said.

Aristotle used to conduct some of his lectures while walking on the school grounds. William Wordsworth once said walking was “indivisible” from the creative act of writing poetry.
Charles Dickens used to walk for 20 miles after writing in the morning.

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Hiring a candidate can feel like reaching the finish line of a journey. After weeks or months of recruiting efforts, you finally found the right fit. But it’s not – it’s actually the beginning of a crucial stage of your hiring process: onboarding.

“It is an incredibly vital stage of the hiring process because employees are acclimated to their position, the company’s philosophies, and what the organization has to offer during onboarding,” says Jamie Olson, Head of People & Culture at Continu, a learning amplification platform for teams.

“It also increases motivation, resulting in employees who are dedicated to the company’s success, and promotes the retention of new recruits by making them feel like a part of the team.”

Your onboarding process is the first impression. It can make or break the long-term chances of success of your new team member – it’s when expectations are set and important information is passed along. Olson broke down everything you need to know about how to effectively welcome a new employee to the team. Learn more in the checklist and onboarding tips below.

The ultimate onboarding checklistFirst of all, it’s important not to “wing it.” Onboarding doesn’t consist of greeting your new report and making a few introductions before leaving them on their own. You’ll need to create a streamlined process that is consistent every time you hire someone new. Here is a checklist.
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When was the last time you sat still in silence and did nothing for a while?

A few hours ago?
Yesterday?
Last week?
No idea?

While we often try to squeeze more and more into our busy schedules, what really happens is that our need for speed leads to chaos.

We end up feeling more stressed, less focused, less connected, and less productive.
When we're under pressure, we often believe we need to hurry up and do more,while the real answer often lies in slowing down and sitting still.

Each year, more and more people report that their lives have become busier and more stressful.
And one of the biggest threats to our mental health is today's glorified "hustle culture" that makes so many people believe that their worth as a human being is defined by their level of productivity.
But that's not true.

Your value as a human being isn't defined by how much you work, achieve, or produce.
You're worthy of love and a sense of accomplishment no matter what you do or "achieve."
You don't need to do more or be more.

Maybe you even need to slow down and do less.

An assumption is a thought or conclusion drawn when someone says or does something. It is a reaction.  You do not have the full picture or asked any questions yet to be able to make an informed decision.  Conclusions are often based on assumptions which could be incorrect. They are not backed up by fact yet treated as the truth. 
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Assumptions have the potential to confuse a situation, and everyone involved. For example, silence or nodding does not always mean the person agrees. They could be simply acknowledging they heard you.  They might not agree yet in that moment are not ready to comment. 
You cannot  know if what you are assuming is the truth unless you ask questions to get more information and clarification. Listen carefully and ask questions if you are not sure or need further information to form an opinion.
 
The brain is wired to keep you safe and fulfill your core needs such as nutrition, shelter, community, pleasure, reproduction, and emotional expression. This establishes an idea of where you are, who and what is around you, and where you might encounter danger. Also known as the ‘fight or flight mode’ which is essential in times of danger - it keeps you at the first level of awareness.

I've probably written a dozen articles over the years about the benefits of mindfulness, how it impacts the brain, and how simple it is to get started with meditation. And yet I confess I have personally never managed to keep up a consistent meditation practice. 

At least I know I'm not alone. Experts reassure struggling meditation newbies that just sitting still and breathing can be way harder than it first seems. And if that doesn't work to alleviate my guilt, then I also remember this post highlighting the wisdom of Wharton professor Adam Grant and author Oliver Burkeman, arguing there are many other ways to practice mindfulness aside from classic meditation. 

You don't need to meditate to practice mindfulness. After being harassed for years by mindfulness's many boosters, Grant finally took to The New York Times to argue that meditation isn't for everyone. Many people, he explains, find other ways to quiet their brains, be in the present moment, and reduce their stress. 

Burkeman concurred in the Guardian, writing "I have a personal theory that almost everyone secretly meditates, whether they realize it or not....almost everyone pursues some activity demanding absolute presence of mind: if not mountain climbing or sailing or bike racing (where a lapse of attention might mean death), then photography or singing or recreational cookery (where a lapse of attention means you'll screw things up)." 

​Here’s how I think about mental strength:
Mental strength is the ability to control your mind instead of being controlled by it.
For example:

• Instead of getting sucked into spirals of self-criticism and shame, mental strength is what allows you to redirect your attention and thinking somewhere else less destructive — like that conversation you’re having with your son or the report you’re supposed to be drafting.
• Rather than impulsively responding to your spouse’s sarcastic comment with a witty jab of your own, you are able to resist the impulse and either say nothing or mention assertively that you don’t appreciate the sarcasm.

Now, obviously there are aspects of your mind that you can’t control… Whether a specific memory pops into mind, for example. Or whether you feel afraid of almost getting run over by a car.
So becoming mentally strong doesn’t mean you are able to exert complete control over everything that goes on between your ears.
Mental strength means understanding which parts of your mind you can control and being able to do it well when it matters.

For example:

There is nothing new under the sun. It’s an old saying, but it’s true.

The ancient world has always been a source of wisdom and wonder. Centuries of knowledge has changed millions of lives before us and continue to inspire, guide and show us better paths for a more fulfilling life.
Once every quarter, it pays to take a moment for introspection and reflect on your life. What could you change to improve your life?

What habits and behaviours can you keep to do more of what’s already working? How can you improve your relationships with those around you?
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The process of becoming wise, healthy, and wealthy is through accumulating knowledge over time. Better wisdom can help us make the best life-changing decisions and lead a better life.

Aristotle knew all about how to make the most of your life.
He said that happiness is found in satisfying our basic needs like food and shelter first, but then we need to focus on people, activities, and things that fully engage us.

Core values are personal to each individual . They can be described as your code of ethics, your fundamental principles, your standards, or personal rules. I like to refer to them as the bricks you build your foundation on. Knowing what you truly value in life, what makes you feel fulfilled and gives you a sense of meaning, connects you to your true self and is an important part of your personal development.
 
Core values are about YOU – not what society, the media, your education, your colleagues and friends or family deem as important, or of value, but what is important to you, what you value.
 
Stress tends to set in when you are not treating these values with the respect they deserve.
 
Not respecting your core values means you are not respecting your true self. In turn your self-esteem could suffer, which of course in turn de-creases the quality of your day-to-day life. When the feeling of being calm and peaceful is present, and the quality of day-to-day life is high, you feel good about yourself and who you are. Your self-esteem and self-worth benefit from this.

Caroline Myss, a five-time New York Times bestselling author and internationally renowned speaker in the fields of human consciousness and mysticism says: “Being able to speak and live with the truth, your truth, means you have to become comfortable with having your power, be comfortable with all that is true about you, all that is beautiful about yourself, this is being okay with yourself.”

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Consider the Core Values Process I offer as a gift to yourself.
The focus can be on your life, your overall life which would include your career, your career alone or your leadership values (this is a great exercise to do as a new leader or to update your existing leadership skills aligning them with your personality). Get in touch.

by Suzie Doscher
​Photo credit: Shutterstock