A insightful self-help book for Christmas 2023.

Photocredit: Suzie Doscher

Listen to the Audio version narrated by Suzie Doscher - 4.30 mins

You choose what you will wear and eat, what films you see, who you socialize with. You make choices all day long in your professional and personal life. In the same way, you also have the choice of which thoughts to focus on. The nice, happy thoughts, of course, are not a problem for they give energy, put a smile on your face, and are inspiring as well as motivating. 

Everybody has negative thoughts. They are the ones that are easy to obsess over and rob you of energy, leaving you feeling drained. Believe it or not, how long you allow negative thoughts to influence your mood, day, or even life is up to you. Every thought you have either weakens you or strengthens you. 

It is important to realize that thoughts are not reality. Assumptions are good examples of this. Just because you assume something does not make it true. 

When you are struggling to stop obsessing about something, remind yourself that you have a choice to move on to a thought that might make you feel better in that moment. It is best to acknowledge negative thoughts when they come up and then choose not to stay with them by distracting yourself. 

No one can eliminate all bad thoughts, but you can make the conscious decision to be in charge of your thinking. Filter through what is real and what needs your focus. Your mind is yours to control. You cannot control the first thought, but you can control the second. Choose to consciously override thoughts that weaken you. This will allow you to feel you have some personal power. 

Some suggestions to explore: 

 In my own life one of the important realizations was that balance is possible and it was mine if I wanted it. What followed was a fair amount of self-reflection, openness, and honesty with myself. Setting aside time to explore my definition of balance, by questioning what was missing and what I was already doing successfully, was time well spent. Since then, I have a good grasp on the various elements of day-to-day life. For me personally knowing my heart and mind are working together is what keeps me balanced. The sense of calm, of being grounded and clearheaded, motivates me to keep my life in balance.

Choosing to create balance will reflect in these six areas of your life:

• Physical
• Mental
• Emotional
• Social
• Financial
• Spiritual
  
  

Each one is important and will require consideration, attention, maintenance, or upgrading throughout your life. Not necessarily at the same time, or in equal amounts; nevertheless, all deserve attention. It would be impossible and unrealistic to believe that each can have a “full service” all of the time. So, choose the area that is being neglected the most at that time and focus on sorting it out. If you choose to socialize more but are not getting enough sleep, you might have chosen the wrong area to nurture. Choose your priorities carefully. All elements are interrelated; balance will be present when all six are respected.

Most of us spend a large part of the day working. Making sure the remaining hours offer some form of nurturing and reenergizing is vital. There is a difference for single people versus married, with or without children, whether you travel, live internationally and interculturally. Choose the area most in need of attention and nurturing.

That sounds a good thing but what is an everyday pleasure?
In this study the researchers investigated the relationship between simple pleasures and brain activity. Specifically drinking coffee, listening to music, and smelling perfume.


Coffee and music for me - not so sure about the perfume though
Participants could choose what they wanted according to their preferences - that’s important - it needs to be a personalised pleasure…of course. I’m with you on coffee and music also - but then again remember my article on the positive impacts of aroma exposure during sleep a few days ago?

How did they measure this?
Well, this is actually very innovative but we also need to be careful of marketing hype here as this was sponsored by MINDWATCH. They have developed algorithms over the years that can measure brain states based on skin conductance. That is your skin responds very quickly to your current state and this can me measured using a sensor. This is much less invasive than measuring brain wave activity. In this experiment they used skin conductance bands and a device to measure some brain activity also.

And so what was the outcome?
Participants conducted memory tests shortly after being exposed to these stimulants and their performance increase and this could be measured in the brain - an increase in beta band brain waves (associated with concentration and cognitive performance) - and skin conductance results. Music seems to be the most potent followed by coffee and then the perfume.

Don’t we know this already?
Actually yes. We know music can positively stimulate brain activity and is also considered a performance enhancing tool by World Athletics (and as such is not allowed directly before competition!). Similarly, there is a lot of research on coffee and its positive benefits. But participants in this could choose their preferred option.
Also of interest is that there were three types of music to choose from and unsurprisingly the energetic was more effective than the relaxing one - but, and here is the surprise, they included an AI generated piece of music and this was the most effective!

And what now?
Well, this shows that those small pleasures can positively impact brain performance - this is why they are a small pleasure - a little bit of what you fancy does you good as they say - and this is not all in the mind. Your brain and cognitive performance will thank you.

And what about all three simultaneously?
That’s what I’m doing as I write this - feels good enough to me!

by ANDY HAYMAKER
Photo credit: Pexels


Research:
Hamid Fekri Azgomi, Luciano R. F. Branco, Md. Rafiul Amin, Saman Khazaei, Rose T. Faghih. 
Regulation of brain cognitive states through auditory, gustatory, and olfactory stimulation with wearable monitoring. 
Scientific Reports, 2023; 13 (1) 

Most of us will know that feeling - our attention can drop off during the day and our efficient mornings can then blend into less efficient afternoons. And Friday afternoon? Well, you can write that off!

This feeling, or assumption, is now backed up by some science, and pretty solid science at that in a novel piece of research.

The research was conducted by a team around Drs. Taehyun Roh and Nishat Tasnim Hasan of the Texas A&M University. Much previous work has used self report studies or wearable technology for short periods of time - these can be invasive and in the case of self reporting very subjective.

In this study the researchers tracked a large group of workers (789) at an energy company in Texas over two full years making this an impressive real world dataset. What they found is that computer use and output increased to Wednesday and then dropped off until Friday.

What’s more, usage dropped off in the afternoon and also typos increased - a sign of fatigue and wavering attention. This was particularly bad on Friday afternoons - probably no surprise there - fatigue setting in not to mention the psychological impact of the looming weekend.

The authors argue that this also supports shorter working weeks and other forms of work such as hybrid work or working from home as this can counter fatigue and increase productivity.

After looking at the data it seem like it would make sense to just cancel Friday! Alas but then Thursday may become the new Friday. But seriously, evidence is strong for the effectiveness of the 4-day work week. One solid study published early in the year for Cambridge University showed increased wellbeing while preserving productivity.
Sounds good to me!

by ANDY HAYMAKER
Photo credit: Pexels


Reference:
Taehyun Roh, Chukwuemeka Esomonu, Joseph Hendricks, Anisha Aggarwal, Nishat Tasnim Hasan, Mark Benden. 
Examining workweek variations in computer usage patterns: An application of ergonomic monitoring software. 
PLOS ONE, 2023; 18 (7): e0287976 
DOI: 10.1371/journal.pone.0287976

In the quest for fitness and health there has been a focus on exercise as a key factor - we all know that. And recommendations are normally about increasing heart rates over long periods of time or possible also shorter more intensive sessions. These have also been shown to improve cognitive function - making your brain more effective.

However, the route to greater health may be easier - or more specifically of enhanced brain function. The effects of light activity in the focus on more intensive and extensive exercise has been largely underestimated - and is considered by some to be a key factor in public health. Our engagement in light activity has over the decades decreased significantly - see my previous article here.
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In this research just out Ryuta Kuwamizu and colleagues of the University of Tsukuba in Japan conducted a simple but effective experiment. In this participants did 10 mins of easy exercise - in this case light pedalling while seated. During this they measured pupil dilation because this is also related to brain function specifically executive function. Executive function refers to harder cognitive tasks such as decision making, short-term, memory, calculation, and analysis - basically what many consider the heavy lifting of the brain in our daily lives.

Yes, and indeed just this short light exercise intervention increased delation of the pupil and this was directly related to improved executive functions which was determined though scanning the frontal part of the brain where our executive functions reside with a technique called near infrared spectroscopy.
This therefore points to, as I have mentioned in other places, the significant benefits of short bouts of light exercise on improved brain function - something of particular interest to businesses no doubt. I have long since promoted the idea of regular short walking breaks - this shows again why. For a review of the benefits of walking see this article here).

Not that it has to be at work - a walk or light exercise will improve your brain function - and that is good for all of us, all the time.

by ANDY HAYMAKER
Photo credit: Pexels

​
Reference:
Ryuta Kuwamizu, Yudai Yamazaki, Naoki Aoike, Taichi Hiraga, Toshiaki Hata, Michael A. Yassa, Hideaki Soya.
Pupil dynamics during very light exercise predict benefits to prefrontal cognition
NeuroImage, Volume 277, 2023.
https://doi.org/10.1016/j.neuroimage.2023.120244 

A lack of self-confidence can negatively affect one or all areas of you life. Life Coach Rebekah Fensome provides 8 surefire ways to boost your self-esteem.

I am so proud of my client Sophie.

She came to me six months ago with self-confidence issues. She felt intimated by certain people at work as she believed they were better than her and when she was placed in social situation where she had to talk to new people she felt they did not really want to be stuck talking to her.

I truly believe that no one want to talk to me, she told me. I am boring and do not know what to say most of the time. My mind goes blank when I meet new people and I get really embarrassed trying to make small talk at work. As for dating – I have not done that for 2 years!


After a couple of sessions with Sophie, it became clear that she had lost sight of who she was, what her values were and what made her unique and special. She had also got into the unhelpful habit of putting herself down in front of people and been in her current job for two years without a promotion. She also strongly believed that men did not find her attractive and regarded her as a friend and nothing else.
 
Eight tips to better self-esteem
 
Here are some of the discoveries we made and techniques we developed together:

Which of us doesn’t want to have a good life? Who doesn’t want to be enough? With a lovely house and garden, sweet children, a loving spouse, who come together for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. A life filled with good friends who celebrate over an elaborate meal and extended family that come together often with smiles and hugs. A life with a rewarding job that appreciates your work and brings out your best.
While these scenarios might be things that people dream about, they are scenes from stock photos, advertising campaigns, lifestyle shows, and social media influencers. Yet they inspire us to want to be perfect, to have perfect lives. They prey on our feelings that we are not enough. Then, for many of us, the drive to have a perfect life overwhelms.

In her book, End the Struggle and Dance With Life, Susan called the drive to always be perfect an addiction. Always having to be the best, always going above and beyond, always having to prove yourself are just ways of trying to show the world, and yourself, that you are good enough. Being a perfectionist, while it might look as if everything is fantastic, takes its toll on our health and our relationships. It can also hold us back from new opportunities.

All those images and videos we see of perfect-looking people living perfect lives only has the echo of truth in them. What we never see in those images is the mess behind the camera. The other people working behind those scenes to make the illusion seem real. So while those images make us feel as if we are less than perfect, they only represent something superficially “perfect.”

The reason our addiction to perfection can be so devastating is that we believe our self-worth is measured by our performance. But since no one is perfect, it is impossible to attain self-worth through perfection.
​
Trying to be perfect in everything we do is only a means to feel as if we are good enough. 

Even the most enlightened of us can’t always stop ourselves from worrying about the future and asking ourselves “what if?” Underneath our connection to our Higher Self that we work so hard for, lurks the fear of future problems just waiting for an opening to ask us “what if?”

You know how it is…trouble is brewing at your job, layoffs could be coming. What if you lost your job? There have been a rash of pedestrian traffic accidents lately. What if your child is hit by a car? Your mother’s routine check-up turns into several follow-up appointments. What if she is sick? And on and on.
​
Before we know it, our Chatterboxes have taken over. We are filled with fears about the future and the “what if” questions drag us down to our Lower Self. Many of us “what if” ourselves into a perpetual state of worry.
“What if” questions come from our Lower Self, our inner chatterbox that wants us to live in perpetual fear. Susan wrote in Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway, “When the ‘what ifs’ are out in full force, the internal Chatterbox is at it again. You look at the unknown and try to predict the future; you try to take control of outside forces. Both are impossible. At this point you might notice you are driving yourself crazy.”

Thoughts about change usually only occur when life no longer offers you the feeling of being satisfied. They can also emerge when things are basically alright but there is room for improvement. The difficulty frequently lies in finding out specifically what you can improve, what you should move on from, what you should let go of.

Change is not easy or simple. It can only really take place if you are ready to take action. Research shows 90% of the strategies designed for change assume people are ready to take action. In reality only 20% of the people already involved in some process of change are actually ready to take action. This helps explain why so many attempts to keep New Year’s resolutions, lose weight, change behaviour patterns, etc. are doomed to fail. If you have been told you should change, but are not really convinced this is true, you are more likely to fail at completing the process.

It is most helpful and supportive and will increase your chances of successfully completing change if you 

The first and most important step is to realize and truly acknowledge that unless you take care of yourself nobody else can or will. When I say, “truly acknowledge”, I mean that you have accepted the following:

• There is always another choice; to do, or not to do / to say, or not to say!
• You are comfortable – saying “no” when necessary, knowing a “yes” does not serve you / is going to take something from you; time, energy, emotional stability.
• You recognize when you have allowed yourself to slip into “victim mode”, have stayed there too long, and are ready to take your power back.
• You know how to make, create, or find the time for yourself, and on the occasions when there simply is no time … you know to do a couple of minutes of deep breathing!

 
These are a few examples, expressed in simple terms: You have taken charge of your life, know your Values and maintain your Personal Power. You can live your life … it does not have to be living you!

As an independent adult you have become the “director” of your life. If you are feeling stressed, one of the simplest yet most effective ways to reduce the tension is to spend some time doing something that involves your senses. Look out of the window, take a walk, listen to music, sing, do something creative, draw, bake, cook, garden, pot a plant, take a bath and light some candles, buy some flowers, look at nature, or revisit a long forgotten hobby – to name just a few options. Taking a few breaths does not take a long time, but does 'break the energy of the stressful / challenging moment. Once the energy is broken you can think more clearly to deal with the issue. 

Whenever possible take a break from technology, even if only for one hour. If that is not possible, try 10 minutes during which you turn off your computer, your phone, TV, etc. If you cannot go outside, then look out of the window at the sky. Regardless of the weather, the sky can be inspiring and energizing.
 
Here are some helpful suggestions to ask yourself:

1. Think about what exactly it is you are doing when you feel happy, fulfilled, at peace, nurtured.
2. If you cannot come up with an answer … think back to a day or event that you enjoyed, that made you feel good.
3. Use your imagination and senses to remember what that felt like.
4. What can you draw from that feeling now? Might you be able to do it again? For example, were you outside, talking with a friend, eating something wonderful, sitting still, appreciating a view…? If it were not possible to do any of those things right now, what is possible right now that would be good for you?
5. Can you take a walk, soak in the bath, listen to some music, talk to a friend, observe nature, do something creative or anything you do not normally do or have time for?
6. Even 5 minutes will make a difference. You do not need to have all day to be kind to yourself.
7. Do one thing a day … however small.

by Suzie Doscher, Professional Executive Coach focusing on Self-Development, Self-help Author since 2014.
3 Editions (2014, 2018, 2022) of BALANCE - A Practical Handbook for Life's Difficult Moments.

​Photo credit: Pexels

How about going out for a sail, swim, drink, run, or meet friends, play with your children,
talk to your partner – without your head still being full of work-related information?
It can be difficult to leave work related thoughts behind at the end of the day. Too many people arrive
home and are not really present. Their body might have walked through the door but mentally they are miles away. This seems to be the reality in today's world. Remember: There is more to life than just work.
You do need some kind of balance between down-time and work to be the most effective. 
Clarity will come easier if you give your brain a rest. It is amazing what thoughts, ideas, solutions and insights can come to you by creating some space for them.
 
This is a common topic with my coaching clients. I might work with five different clients all on this particular topic, yet each one will find his or her own unique way to help themselves unwind and reenter their personal life.
 
First of all, it helps to remember and accept as an important truth that your work is only part of your life. It is wonderful if you love what you do and have passion for your work, but do not forget that your personal life is at least as important as your work.
 
The goal is not to neglect your work but also not neglect your family, friends, and self.
Establish and maintain a routine of self-care – start by unwinding from work on your way home.
Some examples that help my clients include: listening to music or an audiobook in the car or on the train, taking a walk and being more mindful while doing so, meeting a friend, or exercise.
Start instilling this habit and you will experience life as more satisfying, rewarding, happy, and healthier in mind and body.

To reach your potential as well as feel content in the course of your life, having Life Skills is essential.
They are the “software” you have the option to acquire along the way.
You are born with the “hardware”; your body.
Your behaviour comes under the heading “software” because this can be changed, improved, modified, extended or even deleted if necessary.

Many of these Life Skills are received in the home and at school while growing up, others you learn later in your development, taught by “the school of life”, friends, colleagues, courses, books, teachers, trainers, and coaches. You can also teach yourself with patience and practice based on all of the above, plus past experiences, both positive and negative ones.

What makes one person successful while others keep struggling?
Everybody goes through difficult phases, has obstacles to overcome and disappointments to heal. This cannot be avoided. How you cope with all of these is the key to making your life a success.

Life Skills offer support with how you handle your life. They can be defined as a group of cognitive and personal abilities that enhance your capability to lead a life in which you reach your potential.
Every person has strengths and weaknesses; getting to know them is important in the process of finding out “who” you are and therefore “what” you want.
Not everybody has the same dream. You should not judge others but find your way forward based on your own values. The success of some people is not a matter of luck; they will have learned how to manage their life, and they will have acquired the life skills - the “software”.
​Understanding that life is about change, which is inevitable, is one of the first steps on this ladder to the top! Your personal worth will benefit knowing you have the necessary skills in life to face everything that comes your way with confidence.

by Suzie Doscher, Executive Coach focusing on Self-Development,
​Self-help Author since 2014.
Photocredit: Cottonbro / Pexels

Excerpt from the 1st Edition (2014)of BALANCE - a Practical Handbook for Life's Difficult Moments.
3rd Updated version available in the Amazon Store of your country, or,
on iTunes / Audible as an Audiobook if you prefer listening.

“Challenges in life either do or do not have solutions.
If there is a solution somewhere,
then there is no need to be overwhelmed by the challenge.
If there genuinely is no solution,
then there is no point being overwhelmed by it”.
​
Unknown

If you genuinely believe there is a solution to every problem there is a greater likelihood that you will find the solution. Personally, I believe the approach “where there is a will, there is a way.” I do not always find the way as soon as I had hoped for – which can sometimes be due to a lack of motivation. I then remind myself that I know nothing stays the same and therefore have nothing to fear.
Things will change even if I do nothing.
Obviously, I might not get the outcome I had hoped for but then again if I chose not to get myself motivated then that was my choice!
When I find myself lacking motivation I either find someone to talk to or brainstorm with me, or I take any time pressure off myself and see what comes up on its own.

Sometimes it is not the right time to deal with an issue, solve a work related problem, make a change or whatever the challenge is you might be facing. This does not mean you have given up on finding the solution. To me this means I am not in the right frame of mind, nor am I in a strong emotional place or have enough time, to focus on resolving whatever requires attention.

Really believing that you can find a solution to a problem gives you an advantage. This advantage is strength and personal power. You are more likely to overcome nearly all, if not all, the problems you are faced with. Sometimes the best solution is to walk away from something.

If an issue overwhelms me I break it down into smaller issues I can cope with.
I remember having to read through a rather large contract one day. The only way I could cope with it was to give myself permission to only have to read five pages in the morning and five pages in the afternoon. So, my solution was to break the reading down into smaller steps.

If you are fully convinced that a solution exists for every problem, then problems no longer feel like problems, instead they become tasks to deal with. I suggest they be regarded as projects that now need project management.
Your thinking makes a world of difference to what you achieve.

(an excerpt from the 1st edition of Balance - A Practical Handbook for Life's Difficult Moments.

​by Suzie Doscher, Professional Executive Coach since 2006, Self-help Author since 2014. 
​Photocredit: Pixaby/Pexels

Often plans, goals and wishes can be overwhelming. Overwhelming in that they might be fabulous thoughts and ideas however in reality you are not there yet and not even sure how to get there!

Feeling overwhelmed due to lack of time, outside pressures, demands, lack of clarity and a lack of energy can easily happen.

A good approach is to first consider what the reality is in the moment, now/today and only then explore the 'what ifs' - potential outcomes and consequences of the plan or goal.
​
Taking the time to connect with the present i.e. ‘what is’ will allow you to ground yourself. With this you can approach the feeling of overwhelm with both feet on the ground. 

Removing the emotions i.e. feeling of overwhelm, allows you to think more clearly. This has been proven by neuroscience: when emotions are present (have been triggered) the first thing to go are your cognitive abilities. This means you are emotional and not thinking clearly – you are emotional not rational.

To explore all the consequences of ‘what if’ is easier with a clear rational head.

Exploring all the possible ‘what ifs’ is necessary to break the goal, wish or desire down into small actionable steps.
If a change of your mindset/perspective is necessary, this shift could have occurred during the process of the 'what is' exploration.

One way or another you will gain some clarity by taking the time to do this.

At times this is easier said than done. The best approach can be to  simply start! 
Plan some time. 10 minutes will do. If you do not even start you will remain overwhelmed by it all. 
​Once you have taken one step, even a small one, you will feel it.
"One small step at a time will get you to the top of the ladder" ​

by Suzie Doscher, Executive Coach focusing on Personal Development, Self help Author since 2014
Photo credit: Unsplash

First of all I wish you Happy Holidays and a productive start to the  new year.

I am a big believer that moving forward means improving the existing quality of your life. Of course reaching goals and increasing your performance it important.
How you feel while you are doing this is what I believe makes up for quality of life.
You can be reaching goals and increasing your performance by pushing through, being competitive while running on an empty battery. At some point your body and emotional self will not be able to keep up.

To increase your quality of life I suggest doing things differently or adding something entirely new to your routine.
Maybe this is changing your location or job, or even friends, these are big changes. How about starting with
 getting rid of some behaviour patterns that no longer serve you? Replace them with behaviour patterns that do serve you.

I love personal growth & development. My personal as well as professional experience can vouch for that each step taken, even small steps, result in change. Imagine climbing up a ladder. With each step your view changes and brings a new perspective.
 
 Make the kind of changes that stick!
 
Life changes all the time, sometimes daily. During your lifetime you never stop growing, developing and learning, which of course means changing. If you resist this, you run the risk of staying stuck.
 
Here is how you start:

If you recognize the warning signs of impending burnout in yourself; remember that it will only get worse if you leave it alone. But if you take steps to get your life back into balance, you can prevent burnout from becoming a full-blown breakdown.

Some tips:

• Start the day with a relaxing ritual.
  Rather than jumping out of bed as soon as you wake up, spend a few minutes doing nothing – just lying there, or meditating, writing in your journal, doing gentle stretches, or reading something that inspires you. Whatever you chose to do that is realistic focus on it. If your children jump into bed with you and wake you up then try to focus on them. Children are grounded and in the moment. 
• Adopt healthy eating, exercising, and sleeping habits. When you eat right, engage in regular physical activity, and get plenty of rest, you have the energy and resilience to deal with life's obstacles and demands. Start with one of them and attempt to follow through 2 -3 days per week. It is better to start than not at all or to set a goal that is bound not to be reached. You will feel so much better if you start slow and have a much better chance of following through. One step at a time gets you to the top of the ladder.