1. The Present
Eckhart Tolle refers to living in the now, which means being able to see and feel what your life is in the present moment. The present-day buzzword for this is to be mindful by practicing mindfulness. Standing in a beautiful park, by a calming body of water, or attending your child’s school play or other family event, and actually seeing the trees, feeling the flow and energy of the water, enjoying the play or event while feeling joy instead of being lost in your thoughts (which are taking you elsewhere) is experiencing the now, the present moment, being mindful of that very moment. Thoughts can propel you into an entirely different location even if you are not there physically. It seems odd that we do not just naturally live in the now. After all, almost everyone would agree that the present moment, the now, is all we have. When you are able to live in the day life becomes more relaxed and enjoyable. You empower yourself by influencing what you can influence. This becomes a powerful technique to step out of stress. This is not to say you should never think of the future and plan to reach your goals and avoid pitfalls. It is more about how this is done. Keep your energy where it is needed - in the day. Examine your present-day reality and determine what is working and what is not working. Explore what you can influence and what not. 
Miscommunication can happen in any relationship, whether it’s personal or professional. And when it does, it’s important that we step back and acknowledge how we can communicatemore clearly going forward. This is a topic we discuss in our book, Your Time to Thrive, where we use science, storytelling, ancient wisdom, and practical advice, to help readers improve their health, happiness, and sense of purpose.
We asked our Thrive community to share with us the words and phrases that help them communicate more effectively and mindfully. Which of these phrases will you start using? “Tell me more.” “I have learned to use appreciative inquiry to gain trust and open communication in personal and professional relationships. Phrases like, ‘Tell me more…’ or ‘What are you trying to achieve and how can I help you?’ create the feeling of inclusion and partnership to facilitate a two-way communication.” —Isabelle Bart, social entrepreneur and coach, Orange County, CA “Help me understand.” “I find that everything is more effective when presented as an offer. This is especially helpful when presenting an opposing view. For example, I’ll say, ‘I’d offer that it’s more important to hire based on who is the best fit for the team than on experience. The reason is….’ I’ve also found that when people are nervous to speak in meetings or presentations, this simple opening helps because offering feels better than trying to prove yourself.” —Pam Reece, leadership and wellness consultant, New York, N.Y. “Do you want me to simply listen?” “To encourage empathy and clarity in my conversations, I often find myself asking, ‘Can I share something about that with you or did you just want me to listen?’ Sometimes, people just want to be heard and are not looking for feedback, so this helps to gauge if they would like another perspective or not, and leaves the person feeling heard and cared for either way.” —Julie Demsey, hypnotherapist, coach, author, Sydney, Australia 
Many people grow up pretty confused about their emotions and how they work. So, understandably, they tend to simply avoid what feels bad and hold onto what feels good.
The problem is… Making decisions based on how you feel is a recipe for both failure and unhappiness. On the other hand, emotionally sophisticated people have a more nuanced understanding of how emotions work. And the better you understand your emotions, the easier it is to work with them in a healthy way. Emotional sophistication means having a deep understanding of how your emotions actually work. If you want to cultivate a healthier understanding of your emotions, these 6 habits are a good place to start. 1. They’re Curious About Their Own Mind 
One of the most powerful words in the English lexicon today is “trigger.” We are finally accepting that there is a spectrum of internal and external influences that can legitimately take us off course. We understand that a person, place, object, event, even a smell can trigger an emotional response so potent, we can be transported back to a trauma we’ve worked hard to forget, or come to terms with. These triggers can threaten our well-being and disrupt feelings around our core values. They can appear out of nowhere and make us feel powerless.
As an aspiring leader, a trigger can become your biggest obstacle. A strong, effective leader needs to be able to identify their emotional triggers, understand what can set them off, and steel themselves when these triggers threaten to topple everything they’ve worked for. Here are some strategies to help you identify and deal with those triggers so you can grow and develop into the leader you are meant to become. 
What’s your most cherished value? We all have driving forces that keep us inspired and motivated, whether it’s supporting our loved ones, giving to those in need, finding fulfillment in our work, or making a difference in our community.
Determining your most cherished value and using it to your advantage can drastically change your approach to your work, infusing you with additional internal motivation, says Rebecca Greenbaum, Ph.D., professor of human resource management at Rutgers University’s School of Management and Labor Relations. That’s where value triggers come in. Value triggers are items that represent something that matters deeply to you — for example, 
Finding It Difficult to Fall Asleep?
Thoughts that are keeping you awake clearly want some attention. Otherwise, they would not still be lurking around in the back of your head, keeping your mind and body from unwinding and relaxing into a good night’s sleep. Ideally, sleep helps process our emotions. I look at a good night’s sleep as comparable to an effective filing system – while sleeping, your mind files what needs to be kept and your emotions discard anything unnecessary. Your emotions then have time to settle, and your intuition has a chance to speak to you. A good night’s sleep allows for a fresh mind, the possibility of a new approach, to start the day feeling more balanced. Thinking habits and problem-solving skills, no matter how good and effective they are, do not always allow for the mind to be at peace every night. 
If you’re stuck tossing and turning once your head hits the pillow, these tips can help.
There are few things more frustrating than getting in bed after a long, tiring day only to realize your brain isn’t ready for sleep. You know those nights: Despite how exhausted you feel, your mind is off ruminating on tomorrow’s to-do list, your uncertainties about the pandemic, or whatever other worries are real for you in that moment. While you’re in the heat of tossing and turning, sleep can feel like a hopeless reality — but fortunately, that’s rarely the case. There are plenty of in-the-moment strategies that can help us kick our worries out the door so we can get the rest we need and deserve. We asked our Thrive community to share their go-to strategies that help them fall asleep when they’re stuck tossing and turning. Which of these tips will you turn to the next time you can’t sleep?  Once you learn it, you can’t unlearn it by Thomas Oppong The world’s greatest thinkers problem-solvers and decision-makers rely on a set of principles, shortcuts, frameworks and smart tools to cut through complexity, difficult decisions and life-changing obstacles. These are a few of my thinking principles. I use them to improve and upgrade my intellectual life. All of them will help you think better, and I hope they inspire your own intellectual curiosity. Each thinking model offers a different framework that you can use to look at life. 
Feedback will always be ineffective if the recipient doesn’t understand it. Here’s how to make sure your conversations always achieve the intended result.
How effective are you at giving feedback? When managers answer this question, they often describe how and how often they deliver feedback to their employees: timely, direct, actionable, contextual, continuous. As long as the feedback is delivered often enough and directly enough, we reason that it’s effective. Unfortunately, this couldn’t be farther from the truth. A recent Harvard Business Review article by Michael Schaerer and Roderick Swaab titled “ Are You Sugarcoating Your Feedback Without Realizing It?” provides a grave reality check. Their research shows that many managers deliver inflated feedback unintentionally, and often think they’ve been much more clear then they have been. Indeed, in one study mentioned in the article conducted at a multinational nonprofit organization, Schaerer and Swaab observed that “the employees perceived feedback as being more positive than their managers thought they would.” When the feedback became more negative, the understanding gap widened. 
Every summer, many people put aside their work, daily stresses and responsibilities and escape on a vacation, somewhere far away from reality. It may be a secluded retreat in the mountains, a camping trip with the kids, an arranged tour in another country, an Alaskan cruise, or days relaxing at an exotic beach or resort.
However, with the current pandemic including social distancing and travel restrictions, along with financial constraints for many, those plans may have to be temporarily shelved. But the desire to escape reality – for just a bit – is very much alive. So, with many people remaining in their homes, how can that off-work journey happen? We have some tips for making the best of the situation and creating cherished vacation memories without ever leaving home. It’s called a staycation. What’s a staycation? by Suzie Doscher, Executive Coach and Life Coach for Personal Development, Self-Help Author How can companies best support their employees during these difficult and challenging covid related times?. Working from home has added some extra issues to deal with. Individuals benefit from support dealing with:
(Coaching is not a substitute for counseling, psychotherapy, psychoanalysis, mental health care or substance abuse treatment) Get in touch - Let's talk
Life is a great teacher — but no one gets a complete set of rules they’ll need for a better life or career.
Somehow you’re just supposed to know that building better and meaningful relationships can do more for your health and help you live a happier life. Albert Einstein once said, “Wisdom is not a product of schooling but of the lifelong attempt to acquire it.” There are no universal truths in life but there are fundamental skills that can help every functioning adult thrive in life. Those skills can be acquires with experience and time. Success is subjective but whatever your definition of success is, these essential skills can help you achieve it faster. When to trust your gut and when to double-check with your rational mindAlbert Einstein has been widely quoted as saying, “The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift.” 
Ever been asked to say a few things about yourself? Perhaps you said you’re a good communicator, attentive to details, or a team player. The point being, we all define ourselves in a certain way. Here’s the paradox, though; It’s not what you say that is an accurate representation of who you are, but rather what you show yourself to be. That’s how people judge you. They respond to the image you project. As such, it’s critical to focus on what you do rather than what you say. If you want to sell yourself to the world in an authentic way, focus on these four really small things because they say a lot about you. This way, you’re guaranteed to make a lasting impression and command respect from people. By Caroline Bologna There's research to suggest some genres of music are better for productivity than others. As many of us continue to work from home amid the COVID-19 pandemic, we’ve seen big shifts in the way we conduct business. Without the background noise of the traditional office setting, many people have implemented music into their work days to fill the sound void and break up the monotony. Others have turned to music to help drown out the chaos of their home lives while they work. Music can help stimulate the senses and get the creative juices flowing. A 2005 study linked listening to music while working with quicker and higher-quality results. But research has also shown that some kinds are better for different work contexts than others. By Bryan Robinson, Ph.D., Psychotherapist in Private Practice and Author of 40 books. A surge in coronavirus cases nationwide has led to more restrictions. And people are struggling with how to deal with social isolation from friends and loved ones and how to live with school closings, rethinking holiday celebrations and working remotely. These hardships have led to public mental health challenges on a massive scale. There is a small bit of good news, though, about a remedy we all have at our fingertips to mitigate pandemic worry and frustration. A growing body of research indicates spending time in natural green spaces — parks, woodlands, mountains and beaches — has healing properties and underscores the value of exposure to nature for your mental and physical health during pandemic restrictions. By Diana Raab, PhD, Award-winning author/poet/blogger/speaker
I have always believed, and I still believe, that whatever good or bad fortune may come our way we can always give it meaning and transform it into something of value.” ~ Hermann Hesse The way in which you deal with the stresses and our ‘new norm’ bestowed on us by the pandemic, could be an indication of how resilient you really are. Resilience is defined as the ability to withstand or recover from difficult situations. It’s the ability to ‘spring back,’ in spite of all odds. It’s how you’re able to restore equilibrium in your life during or following upheaval. In recent months many of us have encountered many new challenges, personal, economic, psychological and/or emotional, and it’s certainly a good test of resilience.  There’s more to life than reaching targets – Try including life skills for support to achieve a more balanced life? By Suzie Doscher, Executive Coach & Life Coach focusing on Personal Development,
Self-help Author When a company focuses solely on reaching targets and continually pushes employees to reach these goals, the side effects often result in a high turnover and burnout rate. Ironically, this can cause the company NOT to achieve its targets in the desired timeframe. Pushing too hard in one direction results in an inevitable push back from the opposite direction. This is a law of nature that applies to the business world as well. Stressed employees trying to reach sometimes unrealistic or unnecessary targets tend to operate at half of their capacity. They start to make mistakes and lose track of the details amid their overwhelming work schedules. They tend to suffer physically exhaustion as well. All of this hurts productivity, the very thing the company is trying to increase. By Karen Bridbord, Ph.D., Licensed Psychologist and Organizational Consultant When I wrote about the inflection of workplace culture back in May, I was expecting the pandemic to be a distant memory by now. Remember when we all thought it was going to last three weeks? Yet today, six months into the most significant global health crisis of our lifetime, we find ourselves still grappling with uncertainty. Instead of creating new rituals to uplift and ground us as we find ourselves, as I recommended in the beginning of the pandemic, we now must find a way to sustain ourselves. We’re collectively exhausted. This pandemic is a marathon, not a sprint, and we need to act accordingly. This includes adjusting our company values and how they’re operationalized in our organizational cultures.  Shutterstock By Sweta Bothra, Lead Therapist at InnerHour, a Mental Health Platform What kind of mindset do you have? Is it one that drives you to become the best version of yourself, even when times get tough? A mindset can be defined as the way in which a person perceives themselves and the world around them. Your mindset can hugely impact your behaviours, ideas and choices you make when it comes to your goals. It can even affect your work, relationship with others and daily routine. Ultimately, the kind of mindset you have defines you who are and who you can become. There are two types of mindsets – fixed and growth. Let’s look at each in a little more detail.  Taking on passion projects outside of my working hours has helped me combat stress, recharge my batteries, and deepen my connections. By Ryan Frankel, Founder, CEO at This App Saves Lives Photo by Hannah Olinger on Unsplash Entrepreneurs are notoriously driven. We are laser-focused souls, keen on achieving our objectives and willing to overcome mountains of challenges in order to do so. And while the rigors and joys of entrepreneurship ebb and flow throughout the lifecycle of a business, we’re all too familiar with periods of tremendous stress and moments when it’s unclear how we will bounce back from the latest challenge. Having a healthy outlet for stress release is critical to coming back recharged day after day. For me, this has always been taking part in endurance fitness events such as triathlons, running races or cycling trips. And yet several years ago, I found myself literally physically broken after sustaining a ...  Everybody has an inner saboteur’; the ‘inner critic’. Think of the times when you have asked yourself “Why did I do that?” I like to think of self-sabotage as ‘a virus in the software. Shutterstock by Suzie Doscher
This is a big topic and unique to each person depending on what exactly your self-sabotage routine is and how it shows up. Have you ever wondered just how much you hold yourself back and / or limit yourself with self-sabotaging behaviour patterns? Self-sabotage can be described as running interference on yourself. I suggest ‘awareness’ is the first and most important step towards dealing with it – the awareness of this patterns existence. Everybody has an inner saboteur’; the ‘inner critic’. Think of the times when you have asked yourself “Why did I do that?” I like to think of self-sabotage as ‘a virus in the software,’ The job is to get rid of it and run a new program. Healthy routines are those that move your life forward, such as maintaining some kind of equilibrium, maintaining your physical and mental health. A routine becomes sabotage when it keeps you stuck in the same place, treading water, not moving forward. What started these self-sabotage routines and where they come from is well researched in psychology. by Suzie Doscher, Executive Coach and Life Coaching focusing on Personal Development, Self-Help Author: Balance - A Practical Handbook for Life's Difficult Moments
Coaching your team? Add this skill to your coaching style – being non-judgmental. There is an abundance of articles on being a coach to your people. I enjoy reading the quality information provided by the Harvard Business Review. The desire to increase, enhance or maintain the quality of work, and in some cases even the quality of life at work, is evident. The article in the HBR: Most Managers Don’t Know How to Coach. But They Can Learn, offers wonderful insights on what coaching is all about and aims to achieve. Your responsibilities include leading, motivating, inspiring and with your coaching you hope to further their growth, development and enhance their skills. By Brigid Schulte, BBC Worklife
Let’s see if this sounds familiar: You churn through the day at work under deadline pressure, racing to meetings, dashing off emails, feeling busy, purposeful and a little breathless. Yet as the end of the traditional workday draws near, you realise with a sinking feeling that you haven’t even begun the big project you meant to tackle that day. So you bring work home, or decide not to and can’t stop feeling guilty about it. Either way, your work is spilling over into the rest of your life, stealing time and mental bandwidth away from family or rest or fun, and leaving you feeling exhausted and a little resentful. You resolve that tomorrow will be different. But come morning, you inevitably find yourself back on the treadmill of busyness. That’s a pattern Antonia Violante has seen a lot at workplaces she’s been studying in the United States for a project on work-life balance. Behavioural scientists and researchers like her call it “tunnelling”. When we’re stressed and feeling pressed for time, Violante explains, our attention and cognitive bandwidth narrow as if we’re in a tunnel. It can sometimes be a good thing, helping us hyper-focus on our most important work. When we’re stressed and feeling pressed for time…our attention and cognitive bandwidth narrow as if we’re in a tunnel.  “Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it” - Charles R. Swindoll (Shutterstock) Learning how to respond to a situation rather than just reacting to it brings huge rewards. Needless to say, it is one of those behaviour changes that is easier said than done. However it can be achieved.
Responding rather than reacting means you will have taken time to consider the situation and which response and consequent outcome best suits you. The difference between reacting and responding:
To react means you are not able to influence your emotions and you act emotionally rather than from a place of clarity. What you can gain by stopping knee-jerk reactions is a sense of strength, achievement, power to influence, calmness, plus an increase in your self-esteem. The rewards will be felt not only in your private life, but also at work. by Suzie Doscher
Feel like you keep facing the same uphill struggle? Sometimes you create your own problems with your thoughts and beliefs. It is these particular thoughts that hold you back, keep you stuck and consequently limit you. In my coaching practice, as well as my own personal experience, I have witnessed how a self-sabotage routine can be created with these thoughts and beliefs. If you find that you keep coming back to the same type of situation again and again, it is well worth exploring if, in fact, you are running a self-sabotage routine. To break this self-sabotage cycle, you will need to first determine what this limiting thought or belief is. Once you have figured that out (by yourself, with the help of a friend/boss or qualified coach), consider the information below to help yourself make a lasting change. The best approach is to replace whatever you are thinking is with a thought that is more positive. For example:
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Raise your self-awareness with this:
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