by Suzie Doscher, Professional Life and Executive Coach
I have witnessed all too often with friends, family, clients, and of course in my own life, how easy it is to feel you are going in circles or banging your head against the same wall. It feels like your ability to move forward is blocked. You keep ending up in the same place, repeating the same patterns.
A coaching client of mine never quite achieved the goals he set himself. Despite taking proactive steps, he still ended up going around in circles. On one level he believed in the success of his project, yet deep down inside a little voice kept repeating, “What is the point? You will not succeed anyways”.
In his case, the little voice was his “impatience”, which kept him going around in the same circle. Instead of taking a little extra time and dealing with issues that appeared, he would push forward, overlooking them until they had accumulated to a point where they blocked the success of the project. We reframed this limiting belief “Things have to happen quickly in order to be successful” to a healthier one " Taking more time and care allows project to come together more easily". The result was more patience, which lead to a successful outcome of his project. ... Click 'Read More' below
A while back faced with one of my own recurring patterns, I started asking myself, “What is making this so difficult for me?” I tried to find someone/something else to blame but eventually was honest with myself and realized my behaviour pattern was the problem that blocked me. Being open and honest with myself helped me acknowledge that I was standing in my own way.
Not really the outcome I hoped for! At that time still I thought blaming someone else was easier! Luckily this is no longer the case.
With some self-coaching I managed to reframe my limiting belief “I do not know how to do this”, to "I will figure out how I can do this. " Having this skill allowed me move forward to a more successful, happier, and calmer path. A path, on which I take one small step at a time when necessary. As I tell my clients "I know it can be done if you are motivated to change!" fears are fed by underlying beliefs – ones that limit us. These limiting beliefs make us repeat patterns, which hinder our growth and development. In my coaching practice I refer to such patterns as self-sabotage routines.
Fears need to be managed. Success means the fear is no longer ruling you, but rather you are ruling how much power it has when the fear surfaces. Some fears might never go away but they can be managed.
Nobody ever said it was going to be easy but it is possible to handle your life better.The way out of this maze of stifling behaviour patterns is awareness. The first step is to find out specifically which thought is driving the pattern. Once you recognize the thought that drives the behaviour pattern you are in the position to slowly start taking small steps to change the behaviour. I emphasize “small steps” and “slowly”. In my experience any changes that have occurred too quickly have been made mostly in the mind only. For behaviour patterns to be changed you must be patient and kind with yourself. It takes time. The mind and your emotions need to work together here.
In my opinion, the difference between someone who seems to do it all with great ease and the person who keeps stumbling is:
Let's figure out what your Self-sabotage might be...