by Suzie Doscher
People who drain your energy seem to be part of life.
It feels as though your energy or light is being emptied out. At times you do not even notice this straight away. You simply begin noticing something is not quite right or certainly not the way you felt five minutes ago.
Enter the energy vampire.
Sadly, an energy vampire is often not even aware of this bad habit. It can be learned behaviour or a learned pattern while growing up. Negative energy can come from any number of experiences including the feeling of fear, hopelessness, shame frustration or anger to name a few.
In contrast, positive energy includes compassion, courage, forgiveness, and faith.
Negative people seem to have a need to create more negativity.
If you are not in a similar frame of mind, i.e. you are in a good mood, they start draining you and can be quite unaware of what they are doing. The result usually is you feel down, unhappy, drained, and exhausted. You even might find yourself getting a headache.
Tips to help you deal with the situation: .... click 'Read More' below
A wise friend told me once, “Remember, you can walk out of the room, but they are still in the room with themselves.” This made an impression on me and I used this as a visualization when I was walking out of the room! The image always made me smile (even when I was angry). A smile is a wonderful way to break the energy that very moment.
Learn How to Set Boundaries
If you set a boundary by saying 'no' to someone else's behaviour or your own, then to what are you saying 'yes'?
The answer to that question is: to you. You are choosing yourself as the priority - that is the bottom line of learning how to set a boundary.
In the case of being around a person who drains you with their negativity the choice you have is to continue listening to them, bring the topic to an end or if possible leave.
By no stretch of the imagination does this mean you will be disrespecting others. It means you respect yourself first and hold.........
These are the most common reasons people say 'yes' when in fact 'no' might serve better:
Which ones apply in your case?
Ask the following questions to motivate yourself:
What can you gain from saying “no”? For example, saying “no” to an offer to go out because
what you really need is time at home for yourself. By saying “no”, you are giving yourself
How about saying “not now”, if this is not the right time, or situation, for you to say “no”?
Find the situation where you will feel the least resistance to start practicing this. I started by saying
“I will get back to you and let you know if and when I can.” This way I bought myself some
time to consider exactly how important the person and/or request was and what I could lose or
gain by saying either “no” or “not now”.
Allow yourself time and patience to make this change and remember always to give yourself
a pat on the back when you make yourself the priority.
It is important to handle this change with good manners, grace and respect. Learning to say “no”
does not mean you can be rude and disrespectful. Learning how to say “no” might mean you gain
some respect from your friends and/or family and in your work environment, yet telling your boss
“no” might be the wrong choice. On that front, considering the day only has 24 hours, what else
could you say “no” to in order to accommodate your boss’s request? In the end it is all about maintaining
a healthy balance for the 24 hours per day.
Life is too short to keep people who drain you in your life. I used to have a strategy that was: 'I allow someone to moan and groan about the same issue without attempting to make a change for 2 years'. During those 2 years I would reduce the amount of time I spend with them. The friendship either fizzled out or I was lucky to witness the person making changes.
Suzie Doscher is a Professional Executive Coach and Life Coach focusing on Personal Development. Located in Zurich, Switzerland. Her approach to personal development is practical and successful.
Suzie is happiest when helping people.
Her vision is everyone should have access to techniques for personal growth and development. This was the motivation behind her books.
Look out for the updated and revised version of 'Balance - The Practical Handbook' coming in 2018.