Did Someone Push One of Your Buttons?

You cannot change someone's behavior - you can change how you react (Shutterstock)

by Suzie Doscher

When you find yourself feeling sensitive or getting upset with someone's behaviour , it is safe to assume that one of our "buttons" has been pushed.
At this point it is good to remind yourself that you cannot control how other people behave, but you CAN control how you react.

Feeling affected by what other people do or say happens to everybody. Getting upset or bothered by it drains your energy. This is a fairly normal human reaction. It is difficult not to react when something has triggered an emotional reaction in you - pushed one of your buttons.

In the very moment when you are feeling triggered attempt to acknowledge and accept that your peace of mind has been disturbed.  Then focus your efforts on returning to a better frame of mind before you do anything / say something you might regret.

Always remember that your Number One Goal is to regain clarity of mind. The negative feelings or emotions that surface will pass like a wave, if you will allow them to move through.
To help them move through you take a couple deep breaths, exhaling the bad vibe. You can try this visualization:  Put the negative feelings in a boat, push it off shore and watch it along with your negative feelings drift away.. ...Click 'read more'

The bottom line is that you want to 'act, not react'. In order to do this the most important step is to be able to think clearly and neuroscience has proven this not to be possible when emotions are still present. 
​
Check out these 11 suggestions when someone has pushed a button and you do not want to 'react' :
​

1. Acknowledge that, for whatever reason, you are feeling upset. It is okay to feel this way, do not deny yourself these feelings.
2. Assess what, if anything, you can do right now to help yourself.
3. Know that right now in this moment you actually have a choice: 1. Let the emotions get hold of you or 2. take charge of your emotions.
4. What is the best thing to do now? Take some time out? Walk away for a couple of minutes?
5. Take a couple of deep breathes and let go of the negative emotions with each exhale.
6. You may need to say something that sets a boundary or expresses what you need.
7. Consider your response options and make sure you are ACTING not REACTING.
8. Decide which one of these options feels best and would help you the most right now.
9. Decide what do you need to do next to follow through with the option you chose.
10. Proceed slowly. Remember that there may be nothing to do right now.
11. Appreciate that you have helped yourself find balance again.

Should you find yourself in the company of someone who continually makes you lose your balance, it might be worthwhile to ask yourself, "Is this a person with whom I really want to continue spending time?" If the answer is no, figure out a compassionate way to disengage.

For Coaching Support - Get in Touch