Not interested in reading? Listen to the audio version narrated by Suzie Doscher In the Oxford Dictionary, the definition of a “control freak” is “a person who feels an obsessive need to exercise control over themselves and others and to take command of any situation”. The Merriam Webster dictionary says that a control freak is “a person whose behaviour indicates a powerful need to control people or circumstances in everyday matters”. This personality trait could stem from a chaotic childhood, alcoholic parents, abusive behaviour, or early abandonment. Such experiences can make it hard for people to trust, or relinquish control to, others. The fear of falling apart pushes them to control what they can. As their emotions are all over the place, they feel loss of control. For this reason control freaks will micromanage whatever they can with the belief that this makes them strong. People who feel out of control tend to become controllers. I imagine each and every one of us is a control freak, or takes on the behaviour of such, at some point or another. The fear of failure is what makes it so important to control everything when you do not trust anybody else to do a good job. One difficult aspect of being around a control freak is accepting that they do not understand how their behaviour and choice of words affect the people around them. Another difficult aspect is not to take it personally. This behaviour comes from deep inside and the person is actually quite unaware of being a control freak. The attempts to control a situation or environment are intended to offer the controller a feeling of safety. This might be a sign of low self-esteem. One of the areas they often manipulate is conversation. A control freak is most comfortable if they decide what is talked about, for how long, and how deep or detailed a topic can be. This manipulation is achieved by constant interruption, finishing the sentence for the person, not listening with attention, doing distracting things like getting up and walking around, or even walking out of the room saying, “I am still listening”. A control freak does not consider themselves as controlling, but is convincedtheir way is the right way. They tend to have an opinion about almost everything and will disagree with most suggestions not instigated by them. Controllers also control themselves; you might observe obsessive habits in them – whether in a private relationship or at work. h Helpful tips to consider:
In summary, here are 8 helpful steps for what to do in the moment: 1. Acknowledge that you are in conversation with a control freak. 2. If necessary, buy yourself some time to clarify your thoughts. Do some deep breathing to clear your head and calm your emotions. 3. Accept that you are not going to be able to change how the person behaves or who he or she is. Maintain the focus on your reactions and communication style. 4. Forgive the person for his or her behaviour by understanding what makes him or her behave this way. 5. In conversations, listen without interrupting. Be calm and patient. 6. Express your own opinion/thoughts. Be assertive, but not aggressive. 7. Once the conversation is over, do something that will nourish you. This might be as simple as taking in a couple of deep breaths and exhaling the negative energy the control freak brings along. 8. Accept that you handled the situation as best as can be expected and that it will take time and practice. Being in the company of control freaks can feel like being with “Energy Vampires”. Their ability to endlessly bring the attention back on to themselves is draining and exhausting. Knowing what to expect can help you choose how to interact and take care of yourself at the same time. by Suzie Doscher, Executive Coach focusing on Personal Developement. Photo credit: Unsplash Interested to discuss what is troubling you?
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Suzie Doscher is a Professional Executive Coach focusing on Personal Development. Located in Zurich, Switzerland. Her approach to personal development is practical and successful.
Suzie is happiest when helping people. Her vision is everyone should have access to techniques for personal growth and development. This was the motivation behind her book. Author |