by Suzie Doscher
To live feeling content and on track it is vital to know what you truly value in life, what makes you feel fulfilled and gives you a sense of meaning.
Core Values are about YOU – not what society, the media, your education, your colleagues and friends or family deem as important, or of value, but what is important to YOU, what YOU value.
Core Values are individual. They can be described as your code of ethics, your fundamental principles, your standards or personal rules. Stress tends to set in when you are not treating these values with the respect they deserve.
Not respecting your core values means you are not respecting your true self.
In turn your Self Esteem could suffer which of course in turn decreases the quality of your day to day life. Living true to your values, hence true to yourself, allows you to be at peace, at the same time you feel you have your power. When the feeling of calm and peacefulness is present, the quality of day to day life high. You will have the feeling of being a good person.
Caroline Myss, a five-time New York Times bestselling author and internationally renowned speaker in the fields of human consciousness, and mysticism says: "Being able to speak and live with the truth, your truth, means you have to become comfortable with having your power, be comfortable with all that is true about you, all that is beautiful about yourself, this is being okay with yourself."
As an example of a core value lets take 'Honesty'. I imagine that everybody can relate to that feeling of not having been quite honest about something. The twinge felt deep inside even if it was a little 'white lie', you still feel something, somewhere inside. If 'Honesty' is one of your core values, this means the need to not only to be honest, but also to be treated with honesty. Should you find yourself not being totally honest about something, this lack of respect for this core value will leave a bad feeling inside. The feeling of not being the person you know you are at heart, the feeling of not being true to yourself.
Being a good person means you are being true to yourself and thereby honouring your values. It is all in the choices that you make.
Living in line with your core values improves the quality of your day to day life which in turn means being a better role model, parent, friend, co-worker, child, sibling etc. It means you are maintaining your personal power. This applies to your personal life as well as your professional life.
Honoring your values by making them a priority means you are choosing your behavior based on the right foundation, based on your personal code of ethics. You can only gain – it is a win win!
Do not know what your Core Values are? Let me guide you through a process to discover them in a single coaching session. Get in touch and let’s talk about it.
Personal Bill of Rights
by Charles Whitfield
These personal rights are good reasons to learn the Life Skill "Saying NO".
Knowing how to set boundaries is important and means you are taking care of yourself.
A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.
The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.
The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full.. The students responded with a unanimous ‘yes.’
The professor then produced two Beers from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand.The students laughed..
‘Now,’ said the professor as the laughter subsided, ‘I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things—-your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions—-and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.
The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.. The sand is everything else—-the small stuff.
‘If you put the sand into the jar first,’ he continued, ‘there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you.
Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Spend time with your children. Spend time with your parents. Visit with grandparents. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and mow the lawn.
Take care of the golf balls first—-the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand. One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the Beer represented. The professor smiled and said, ‘I’m glad you asked.’ The Beer just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem, there’s always room for a couple of Beers with a friend.
by Suzie Doscher
Imagine turning 18, or whatever age the officials deem is the age of entering adulthood, and staying exactly as you were then. Nothing really changes; your behaviour, beliefs, wisdom, knowledge etc. remain that of an 18 year old. Believing we no longer change or grow once we have reached ‘maturity’ is one way to look at life. Seems more like a nightmare to me…
The other way of looking at life is that we never stop growing, developing and learning, which of course means changing. In my opinion this is the healthier option. I would hate to still be approaching life and its lessons as the 18 years old Suzie. With each step you take on the path of personal growth things will change therefore you will experience life differently. Life and all it encompasses changes all the time, sometimes almost daily. It is exciting and rewarding to grow, develop and change.
Here are some steps to consider on the road of personal development
1. Know yourself. If you do not already know who you are, find out.
2. Change what you do not like; accept what you cannot change.
3. If you do not know what makes you feel fulfilled figure it out.
4. Filter through the people in your life, lose the “Energy Vampires”, keep the people that allow you to be yourself and the ones that energize you.
5. Be true to yourself, your integrity and your personal code of ethics.
6. Remember, all life lessons are here to teach you something. Sometimes it is to find out what you do not want, or no longer want.
7. Never be afraid to ask for support, it makes you stronger.
8. It is never too late to grow and develop as a person.
9. Above all, know and understand that life can be improved, if only with the smallest of steps, but one by one you will get to where you want to be.
“Your vision will become clear, only when you look into your heart.
Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens.”
by Suzie Doscher
Learning how to respond to a situation rather than just reacting to it brings huge rewards. Needless to say, it is one of those behaviour changes that is easier said than done. However it can be achieved.
Responding to something means you will have taken some time to consider the situation and which response best suits you. To be able to ‘respond’ means you are choosing your behaviour based on your values, needs, integrity and desires. To ‘react’ means you have chosen to allow outside influences dictate your behaviour and tend to leave you at the mercy of others.
The gifts you give yourself when you stop the knee-jerk type of reacting are a sense of strength, achievement, power to influence, calmness plus an increase in your self-esteem. The rewards will be felt not only in your private life, but also at work. Time and patience will be necessary and making mistakes during this ‘reprogramming’ time should be expected and allowed.
Different kinds of ‘reactions’
Everybody has certain relationships or situations, which bring out the worst reactions or overreactions. Being busy and stressed can magnify a reaction. In contrast, when you are relaxed, you are better able to take time to assess the options and possible responses to achieve your desired result. Many reactions come from your upbringing, experiences, assumptions and beliefs that are limiting. One of the responsibilities of being an adult is to recognize that you have the power to change. Introspection, personal growth and personal development work will help give you a better understanding of where triggers might come from and specifically what might set them off.
It is possible with the support and encouragement of a coach or other professional to decondition yourself from habitual reactions to people and situations. ‘Debugging and reprogramming our software’ is a wonderful gift to yourself.
8 Tips to help you learn how to stop reacting and start responding:
Choice – having taken the time to reflect upon the situation you tend to have more options to choose from than just the one,which was a ‘reaction.’
Power – you keep your personal power by taking the best possible care of yourself by not reacting, and waiting until you can respond constructively. This makes you feel strong.
Less Stress – buying some time to make a constructive choice you avoid exhausting the emotions otherwise present in a reaction that are draining.
Calm – Knowing that you can handle situations that in the past have pushed your buttons brings a calm, an inner peace into your life.
Increased Self Esteem – another step up the ladder with this added new tool in your personal growth and development automatically increases your Self Esteem.
“Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it”
Charles R. Swindoll
A Practical Handbook