Forgiveness is a very valuable and important act to learn. After all if you do not forgive and forget along the way, imagine just how much baggage you will be carrying with you. Luckily our minds do have a tendency to forget some things; normally these are the ones that do not carry any emotional attachment. However situations during which you are hurt, your buttons have been pushed, you feel disrespected or abused these the mind does not forget so quickly and pain sits in the heart, which is your emotional body. In order to forget and forgive some healing is required. Forgiveness will be the first step towards healing.
The act of forgiveness is a process about you, not the other person. If the result of a situation makes you blame the other person for the outcome, with your blame you are giving them responsibility for your feelings and well-being. It may be the circumstances created pushed your buttons, but the fact that you even have those buttons to be pushed, might not have anything to do with the other person. By taking responsibility for your life, and therefore whatever triggers your buttons to feel pushed, you are keeping your personal power in tact. With this you are on the path of learning how to ‘act’ rather than ‘react’ to live and all that is puts on your plate.
Accepting that you are willing to forgive and learning how to do so is part of taking responsibility for the quality of your life. Forgiving someone does not have to mean that you are accepting or overlooking their behaviour, it means you wish to move forward from the pain you felt. You do not want to carry this particular suitcase full of pain forward as permanent baggage. You chose to make some ‘space’ for something new, something more positive to come into your life.
Forgiving someone can bring up fears of loss. If you forgive them you might have to let them go mostly because you no longer wish to have their kind behaviour in your life. You have chosen a life of personal growth and personal development and they have not. With all due respect to the fact that everybody has a right to make their own choices and live life as they see it, then this might, or might not, mean you will go different ways. No matter how difficult this thought could be it might also be the best thing you can do for them. Forgive them and thereby set each of you free.
As the quote says:
“If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they're yours; if they don't they never were.”
A Practical Handbook